poetry critical

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When each one comes with black despair inside his head,
to hide from feelings locked inside a maze,
healed with easy talk of commonplace instead.
Eyes close over turmoil we have bred,
soothe with salve of gentle hands that play
when each has come with black despair inside his head.
Let all sorrows dissipate and spread,
diluted to solutions thinned and tamed,
healed with easy talk of commonplace instead.
For though mundane to us each day is fed,
foundations rock where dreaming hearts have strayed,
when each one comes with black despair inside his head.
Darkened days on which despondency is read,
recede to lifting clouds that softly weigh,
healed with easy talk of commonplace instead.
Keep me close as to each other wed,
listen to the soothing words I say,
when each has come with black despair inside his head,
healed with easy talk of commonplace instead.

27 Jul 06

Rated 9.5 (7.3) by 4 users.
Active (4): 7, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (28): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 3, 3, 3, 5, 6, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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what an amazingly beautiful villanelle - and so sad.
 — unknown

dark alright.
 — unknown

This is the stuff that great poems are made of.
You, my dear Larry, are very special.
 — violet

Dear Unknown

I am so glad you think i wrote a villanelle so beautiful and sad.

 — larrylark

WOW!  This is not an easy thing to do, to make phrases flow from verse to verse with seemingly different meanings.  Great job!
 — Isabelle5

Dear Unknown

behind every Larry lurks a dark soul

Larry paint it black lark
 — larrylark

I love this poem.
 — unknown

This is not the LarryLark we have grown to know and love.  

Amazing, write more like this,,duh

 — unknown

Dear Meep

You should not be surprised for when Larry has a massive row with his better half drives into the countryside and sits in an absolute fury cursing songs of birds and rustling trees and the only way he can calm down is to write it out, sat in his car in the middle of no-where at the back of beyond .I was reading Do Not Go Gently by Dylan Thomas and i thought if that Welsh bardy bastard can write a villenelle than i'm domned sure i can. So using the format of his poem to get the structure i started to try to write down how i was feeling and using a strict format helped me channel my anger and despair to productive ends. Then I went back home and apologised and resumed my household duties.

Larry the hidden furies speak Lark.
 — larrylark

Dear Isabelle

From you a complement is real.

Larry the truth lark
 — larrylark

there's a hole in my bucket.

Me have ep
 — unknown

Dear Meep

Don't bother repairing it. Buy a galvanised Lark inc. zinc bath which you can fill to overflow and then create your own ocean from the overflow.

Larry practical ideas to aid the imagination lark
 — larrylark

This is a really well executed villanelle and the statement it makes is well crafted. The reader has to think about the meaning of the words carefully. One of the things I really like is that it's different from the lists of banal 'incident poems' that populate this site - in other words, while I think it's an excellent an idea to show through examples, some of the examples are so dull, boring and mundane as to be totally worthless, not to mention the cliché ridden images that are supposed to intensify so much - this one tells it like it is. I love this poem - maybe the past tense in the repetand in line 3 could be made present, but an excellent villanelle - deserves more reading.
 — opal

love the rhythm. i love the villainelle, you make me adore it, as cheezy as that sounds. nice.
 — listen

ah, i ruined the comment with the mispelling. oh well. nice piece.
 — listen

Dear Listen

Spelling? It don't meen a fing. I treasure your comment

 — larrylark

I wish we could see what people gave what ratings (not wishing it always but sometimes) so we could see what unhappy soul gave this beautiful poem a 1.

Somebody is jealous
 — Isabelle5

Dera Isabelle

I don't really think i write for what people think, so what they score my stuff is not a big concern to me. I was having my car fixed the other day and John, the mechanic who is a long standing friend who never reads poetry and has little interest in artistic pursuits though he has a life rich in all things mechanical asked me why i wrote poetry.Its some thing I've not really considered often,just simply doing it day by day.When he said do you hope for fame and fortune i had to laugh. I said to him that i do it to try and get out of myself what is hidden and largely inaccessible, something which i have hardly ever achieved. He said ,the pursuit of the impossible then and i said yes, the impossible shining dream which is the reverse side of this futile and often pointless place we humans have made. So really I don't give a toss about 1 2 3 4 etc as this is something i am compelled to do by an inner force i don't really comprehend.

Larry perfect 10 Lark
 — larrylark

Dera larry, I like your reply to Isabelle.
 — opal

Dear Opal

One does ones best even though it can be better if we patiently edge ever forward.

 — larrylark

wow grats!  villanelles are aptly named as villanous!  really really nice.  geez.  is there a lamer word than nice?  instead, i would say, powerful, deftly crafted, a real accomplishment.  there.  thanks for sharing it.
 — balancing

oh larry, i really admire your work. it really makes a teenager like me insecure on whether i'd ever reach to your standards.
 — unknown

I know the treacherous villanelle.  You have made the form work for you, rather than handing over the keys.

Let me raise your poem above my head.
Let me push your ratings towards the top,
(though such things, to you, matter not).
I do so that such beauty will be read.


       An admirer of larrylark and his better half who both writes and inspires.
 — unknown

Hi larry lark.

It’s nice to see some one attempting to write a villanelle occasionally.

Reading through your little exercise, I had difficulty with your reasoning in line 7
If you dissipate sorrow then logic determines that it may not spread.
Thankfully I am not married to Opal; therefore I have no reason to fear her wrath.
 — unknown

oh for f's sake - here comes the tired old voice of nothing blowing through his own sphincter again, blah blah blah.
 — unknown

Dear Balancing

Thanks for your kind words which i shall treasure.

Larry pot of gold Lark
 — larrylark

Dear miss minx

Don't be insecure and remember Larry loves you.

Larry friend to the world Lark
 — larrylark

Hi Unknown

Its nice to know you are looking out for me.

 — larrylark

It ok larry don’t worry your self unduly, you have my sympathy.
Be careful parking in the lay-bys around Preston, those damned doggers are everywhere, and there are some real gems amongst them. So I believe.
 — unknown

Blah blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz .
 — unknown

Blah de blah and double blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Larry laid by Lark
 — larrylark

Oh, this bounced up as random.  I sometimes forget, Larry, that you can write very strong, concrete poems as well as your delightful departure poems.  This is still nearly perfect, in my opinion.
 — Isabelle5

Dear Isabelle

I like to think of myself as perfect but no quite.

Larry tracking down the genius embedded somewhere in my head Lark
 — larrylark

creates the mood
 — poetbill

Hi poetbill

Mood is all, never make me feel flat.

Larry inflated Lark
 — larrylark

i would have suppressed  "inside his head" on stanzas 2, 4 and six...
apart from that nothing to declare...
well done !
 — greenmantle

Hi Greenmantle

Thanks for the positive comment and i have noted your suggestion.

Larry biro and pad Lark
 — larrylark

i thought this was you!   what beautifiul lullabying rhythm, it works, it works. how i wish the co;mmonplace soothed me when i am there, i wrap myself in silence, and keep warm and still. that works too.  many regards for a fine poet
 — crimsonkiss

The presence of despair
in the poem
did not really add to the poem at all, either from a perspective of communicating some meaning, or especially for a rhythmic reading.
Please consider

when each has come with black inside his head

 — chuckle_s

Hi chuckle

What about Dis apple?

Larry big fruit Lark
 — larrylark

I am fucking dis custard.
 — chuckle_s

Hi Chuckles

I is fuckin' dis turd

Larry fucked up head Lark
 — larrylark

i still like your poem... yet, you trid to "overrhyme  it... why not simply despair in mind to avoid the trite despair in-side-his-head... forget about the rhymes and vive la poésie !
 — greenmantle

The repetition is a bit overwhelming...I know it's because of the form of the poem, but still...this isn't a horrible poem however. 8/10
 — Poe

 — unknown

Vote 1 Larry
 — unknown

Holy incredible, larkman.
 — themolly

No man escapes...the pit of despair! Very cool Larry.
 — grneyeddevil

larrylark, this is marvelous ;)
 — markfelician

sestina and the black dog visits us all -- here you've gathered us to the healing charms of Poetic experience and offered up your humanity as good cheer -- here here!
 — AlchemiA

this is a wonderful expression of melacholia, and a valiant attempt to soothe with'easy talk of commonplace instead'.  what moved me too was the expalnation to John, the mechanic about why you write, not only because it was illuminating and comrehensible, but it shone a light on you, offering such a reflective explanation. Lovely job. still hate my melancholia though, far too scary.
 — crimsonkiss

the repetition, the cyclic pacing bringing in the thought tighter and tighter, binding the mind to this ever decreasing circle of reflective despair.

love the expression of things quite epic in this, there is something almost grandiose   here, a call to arms almost... a resounding horn of battle.

what is also interesting to me Larry is the one rhyming word you left out here...
 — Mongrol

This is great!
 — CNC92

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preposterously ridiculous stuff. no form can justify a storm of utterly boring proportions such as this

think quick

the dick is coming.

hall pass?

hang a left
 — Clara

really should quit the se pisco sours
 — Clara

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 — unknown