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depth of field
hank

hunched back arrowhead sundown ravens
 1
sit atop coils of hay
 2
bales have been rolled into balled
 3
gold circles that meddle among white and
 4
blue cotton billowy clouds
 5
and they
 6
float above the bulbous undulating farm
 7
land below that could be a frozen sea if you look at it
 8
that way
 9

18 Aug 06

Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 3 users.
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Comments:

too many adjectives
they get in the way of what oyu are describing
 — unknown

are you familiar with my poems?
 — hank

by the way, i thought you might say that.
 — hank

i've tried to use as many as i could, and still make it mine and still make it beautiful.
 — hank

would look as though it's just stream of consciousness without much punctuation but upon taking a closer reading i see something else, i see this as a pretty good poem, the poet's usual simplicity but of course a good work in the end.
 — listen

two ands two many
 — unknown

super great
 — varun

have you heard of
frosted mini-wheats?
sometimes farms overstocked on roundbales will leave them in the field over the winter and at certain times with just the right amount of snow sitting on them they look like a field full of frosted mini-wheats. this reminded me of that: a memory near 20 years in the making.
nice words
 — chuckle_s

I happen to like all the adjectives.
 — sungiant

pretty
 — psychofemale

too many words.
 — hank

Ah yes, i do believe you are right, a sea~~~~~ but you have to have the vision of an artiste to sea it. are you an artiste? a writer of light perhaps?
I also sea what is not apparent to those without the skill to dream while in the conscious mode.
a sea of frosted mini wheats.
I like it hank.
 — unknown

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