|depth of field
hunched back arrowhead sundown ravens
sit atop coils of hay
bales have been rolled into balled
gold circles that meddle among white and
blue cotton billowy clouds
float above the bulbous undulating farm
land below that could be a frozen sea if you look at it
18 Aug 06
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too many adjectives
they get in the way of what oyu are describing
are you familiar with my poems?
by the way, i thought you might say that.
i've tried to use as many as i could, and still make it mine and still make it beautiful.
would look as though it's just stream of consciousness without much punctuation but upon taking a closer reading i see something else, i see this as a pretty good poem, the poet's usual simplicity but of course a good work in the end.
two ands two many
have you heard of
sometimes farms overstocked on roundbales will leave them in the field over the winter and at certain times with just the right amount of snow sitting on them they look like a field full of frosted mini-wheats. this reminded me of that: a memory near 20 years in the making.
I happen to like all the adjectives.
too many words.
Ah yes, i do believe you are right, a sea~~~~~ but you have to have the vision of an artiste to sea it. are you an artiste? a writer of light perhaps?
I also sea what is not apparent to those without the skill to dream while in the conscious mode.
a sea of frosted mini wheats.
I like it hank.
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