8-9 the negative constructions are working against the meaning. here it should be hard shoe not soft shoe to make sense. i think.
15-16, take the first line out (or rewrite) and smooth
paki and jock are derogatory. and the whole example and conclusion structure isn't as good a fit as it could be, yet, it seems like this has the making of one of your more leary ones though. hurrah. — bettalpha
Better fixed now. I hope the world of jocks does not take offense. (lol) — netskyIam
it's got a title now and is basically done.
how bad is it? I can't tell. I just know that I"m capable of writing wonderful stuff that's