poetry critical

online poetry workshop



poem by alex.
OKcomputer

i can promise you two things.
 1
one is despair and the other
 2
is despair. each is a different color
 3
i'm not sure why.
 4

9 Sep 06

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Comments:

ok who is alex - a kid?
 — unknown

     Give me the different colors... and textures, too.  I know this messes the brevity, but I want so much more.
    Thanks,
 — mikkirat

something fishy this way comes
 — unknown

drop line 4
 — unknown

I'm not sure why either. I don't know if you weren't told, but a capital letter follows a full stop! Come on, you know that, a bit of proof reading before posting saves a lot of blushes. Poignant and clever? Maybe, depending on the colours!!
 — unknown

I guess you're a stiff cold corpse with a hardon for punctuation.


Fucking tool.
 — OKcomputer

in my experience on resorts to calling names when one has nothing better to say.
You proved the other persons point.
 — unknown

What kind of Republican logic is that, unknown?  
If X calls W a tool, it does not prove W's point at all.  
W is still a tool.
 — unknown

calling someone a tool does not make that person a tool
If I said you were a butt sniffing poofter would it be true
I hope not
 — unknown

try this

i can promise you
two things. one is despair
and the other
is despair. each is
a different color i'm not,
sure why.
 — unknown

Titles don't need periods, they are not a sentence, first of all.

Second of all - What?
 — Isabelle5

I want to write this on my face.
 — trafalgore

we are in 2006. who the fuck cares about punctuation. put the damn period wherever you please :)
 — modern_nomad

oh and i like it :) i'm not sure why :)
 — modern_nomad

Modern nomad, one thing we Do here is critique the entire poem - spelling, punctuation, content.  Don't discount the importance of the small things.  It might be 2006 but this is still poetry and some rules apply - although we have small wars about it.
 — Isabelle5

I don't want to offend anyone, but I think this poem looks fine as it is and would be lovely written across my face in every color that applies.
 — trafalgore

I agree with Mikki, I want more.  I love the idea that you get the same thing but it comes differently.  
 — Isabelle5

isabelle, totally with you. critique includes from A to Z. and my personal take on punctuation is that its at the writer's disposal. (s)he can do what (s)he wants with it. i don't think we should limit poetry to whatever rules are out there.
 — modern_nomad

Thank you guys. I love you.

The period is there, I suppose, for my own personal comfort.
If it wasn't there I feel like I would read it without a pause right into the poem.

I'd go crashing into the poem.

I am wearing a blazer.
 — OKcomputer

but what colour is the blazer today?!

nice short poem :)
 — oracle

it's plaid of coat.
 — OKcomputer

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