If everyone looked like me,
then I would look like you,
but I would still be me,
and you would still be you.
We could not judge each other,
on what was seen outside,
so, how would you want to be seen,
based on what's inside?
Do you want to be a good man,
with care and love to give?
Because I can see right through you now,
to how you really live.
This is rushed and not well thought out but I've been really ticked off and had to let this out!
11 Sep 06
Rated 6 (8.3) by 1 users.
Inactive (2): 6, 9, 10
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Well, I liked it even if it was rushed. I completely agree with you too.
i for one am glad you did let it out!
I like this
Great rhythm, good rhyme, fabulous idea!
Well, I'm glad you say at the end it was rushed because it does seem rather hurriedly thrown together. Lines 1-4 are so - typical? Can you write the idea more slowly now, with more thought and something that separates it from other "finding myself" poetry?
On several more reads, this reminds me very much of one Emily Dickinson poem about "I'm one, are you one, too?"
Same breathless, secret air about it.
This sounds like a first write.
Don't think too much of the rhyme.
I think that ruins it.
You did say it was rushed, so that is probably why it came out the way it did.