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Tomorrows Dream
danny1982

If everyone looked like me,
 1
then I would look like you,
 2
but I would still be me,
 3
and you would still be you.
 4
 
 
We could not judge each other,
 5
on what was seen outside,
 6
so, how would you want to be seen,
 7
based on what's inside?
 8
 
 
Do you want to be a good man,
 9
with care and love to give?
 10
Because I can see right through you now,
 11
to how you really live.
 12

This is rushed and not well thought out but I've been really ticked off and had to let this out!

11 Sep 06

Rated 6 (8.3) by 1 users.
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Inactive (2): 6, 9, 10

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Comments:

Well, I liked it even if it was rushed. I completely agree with you too.
 — Muttonhead

i for one am glad you did let it out!
 — unknown

Trippy!
 — Grub

I like this
 — unknown

Great rhythm, good rhyme, fabulous idea!
 — Vicky-Liz

Well, I'm glad you say at the end it was rushed because it does seem rather hurriedly thrown together.  Lines 1-4 are so - typical?  Can you write the idea more slowly now, with more thought and something that separates it from other "finding myself" poetry?
 — Isabelle5

On several more reads, this reminds me very much of one Emily Dickinson poem about "I'm one, are you one, too?"

Same breathless, secret air about it.
 — Isabelle5

Nice poem!!!
 — psychofemale

This sounds like a first write.
Don't think too much of the rhyme.
I think that ruins it.
You did say it was rushed, so that is probably why it came out the way it did.
:)
 — mandolyn

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