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A Horse's Tail
netskyIam

Walker, beware of the motor car;
 1
with its tricks, and of its men in the trade
 2
of that nascent beast despoiling roads;
 3
they, and it, will blind your
 4
 
 
 
 
 
 
Aye! So what, if adverts exhort
 5
that the motor car is "maturing well"?
 6
I know this far, so very well,
 7
it runs a periled path
 8
paved white with bones of those who dared
 9
to determine the limits of their grips
 10
and perished in upsets by tyre side-slips
 11
 
 
Not for me--Beelzebub's broughams; not
 12
while I live full-well, in good stead
 13
 
 
When I die, a petroleum hearse
 14
may fumigate my spleen with its breath
 15
 
 
I won't breathe
 16
 
 
But smoke, by preference,
 17
past the habitual shats
 18
 
 
Of liars and motors
 19
and
 20
 
 
A Horse's Tail
 21

16 Sep 06

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 8

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this seems like it's trying too hard to sound a certain way, as in 19th century english or something like that. i see that you have a point and that it has to do with technology, but i couldn't get past the vocabulary. still, its descent poetry.
 — livella

*decent*
 — livella

Thanks.  New title  (was "buggy lecture") and newly honed finish.  The poem is only a few hours old as of this writing.  Thanks for your visit and thanks very much for  your good thoughts.  

reid, in poetic descent for horse apples.
 — netskyIam

vocab: reminder of the useful "define th words" option under each poem.
nascent: emerging, beelzebub:tempter of mankind; master of Hell,
shats is shit, brougham is a type of light carriage; also a type of early auto body style.
"in good stead"= in good accordance with prevailing conditions.

-thanks-
buggy bound reid
 — netskyIam

Here, this author reading of the poem may help
http://tinyurl.com/o294x
 — netskyIam

okay, so drunk critiquing is not a good idea. sorry about that. i actually really like this the more i read it. i'm not very enthusiastic about the two perfect rhymes in the second stanza. also, i have the opinion that each line should say something new and exciting and some of your lines (L4-5,7-8) fall flat (to me). i like L16, as it is sort of a "breather" from the vocabulary-rich sections. i love the first line. i really like that you used "Beelzebub" (i love that word!), but broughams seems too obscure for me, and also the hard g is a little off-putting. i like "petroleum hearse." I'm not sure about the ending. it seems a little anticlimactic. just a few suggestions, which you can take or not take at your discretion. good poem. thanks.
 — livella

broughman like bough, but unlike brogue, has a silent g.
 — unknown

oh damn. my fault.
 — livella

I'm confused as to who the speaker is, at first i thought it was the horse,but L 14&15 would indicate otherwise. Help me out here.
The premise is refreshing if not original, love the beginning and the closure is perfect.
 — unknown

He is a soured old coot, ca. 1905, in England, complaining of the motor car.
If you have been in a carriage behind a horse, you've seen lots of lifts of
a horse's tail.  
Horse's ass.  He proved himself to be another horse's ass; by his tale of horse-sufficiency.

His protestations were, unrealized by himself,
just so much more of the general crap met with in life.  
Angry old fellow.  

I required a glass of chocolate milk, in order to do the voice.
Phlegm production.   See?  owww!  
The title of the poem is the end of the poem
and the end of the poem is the beginning of a new age.  

We all ride today
in 'petroleum hearses',
don't we?   Or walk.  

Thanks,  r.
 — netskyIam

hello, i mista ed-it  by mistake..reading something into this that wasn't there, a fine poem Reido.
 — unknown

wow nets your voice

surprised

badge :0)
 — unknown

what on planet earth is this poem trying to say? although it did have the benefit of being somewhat poetic i felt that the puncutation was too frequent and chopped this piece up. the read was very hard (not in a good way).
 — unknown

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