Awkward sod, chose bleakest day of grotesque dying Winter,
not one single snow drop peered between polished shoes.
A few came out of respect for his wife,
the one he abused all the days of her life.
Some one stole glance at watch, fiddled loose change.
Glance over distant chimney pots towards railway station.
Many liked the neutral tone of the curate,
cross between Catholic flourish and fundamentalist fury.
Laughter heard among bleak trees,
“Boys from council estate, doing as they please.”
Later some one took flowers from the grave,
given less than willing girl to help him get his way.
27 Sep 06
Rated 9.5 (9.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 9
Inactive (1): 10
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This is good.
each individual couplet works well, and the overall effect works too.
I am pleased that you like this one ,in spite of its depressing content
Larry miserable old sod Lark
Dear 2nd Unknown.
That is the effect i was srtiving for so i'm mighty pleased you read it that way.
Larry ever upwards and onwards Lark
Again wonderful . Thanks
1. L1 - Genius! I know of these Winter days living in New England (USA.)
2. L2 - snowdrop
3. L's 3&4 - nice couplet!
4. L6 - "Glance" seems odd to me where it already appears in the previous line.
5. L's 7&8 - Again, GENIUS!
6. L's 9&10 - another nice couplet, BUT, "bleak" appears for the second time. However, it plays nicely up against "trees."
7. L12 - odd meter due to too many awkward stresses, me thinks.
This is on its way to being a masterpiece! It's engaging and very well executed! :-)