poetry critical

online poetry workshop



The Love Song of the Lonely Goldfish
TheLastYoric

“Scientist have discovered that a goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
 1
I wondered how they found that out, so I asked my Goldfish.
 2
I said, ‘how long is your memory?’
 3
and he said, ‘can you repeat the first part of the question?’” – Anonymous
 4
 
 
Staring through the convex barriers
 5
that shape his life,
 6
the Goldfish,
 7
lonely monarch
 8
of his glass bowl world,
 9
looks upon his two-legged love.
 10
 
 
He knows he can’t reach her,
 11
can’t evade her cat,
 12
can’t get past the glass,
 13
can’t breath her air,
 14
but he can dream.
 15
 
 
In his head
 16
he is writing love poems.
 17
He is as melancholy
 18
as an orphan moon
 19
thousands of miles
 20
from its father sun.
 21
“You and I,”
 22
he thinks,
 23
“are like two circles,
 24
two halves
 25
of an infinite sign.
 26
Let’s join together,
 27
complete our symbol,
 28
etch each other into the stars,
 29
and stay there for eternity.”
 30
 
 
He sighs listlessly,
 31
his gill-breath
 32
like the last hiss of steam
 33
from a stopping train.
 34
Turning on her,
 35
he thanks his good fortune
 36
that by the end of these
 37
three mercifully quick seconds
 38
his mammalian beloved
 39
will have been forgotten.
 40
 
 
Nothing more than the echo
 41
of a goldfish’s
 42
immemorial
 43
love song.
 44

10 Oct 06

Rated 9 (7.8) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (12): 1, 2, 6, 6, 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(11 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

HAHAHAHAHAHA!  How creative this is!  I really like the intro to this, too.  Lines 19-21 make me jealous.  Can I borrow them sometime?  
 — Isabelle5

If you feel the need.
 — unknown

Going on Favourites.
 — aholm

by the way, make sure you credit me.
 — unknown

brilliant. i'm in love with this poem.
 — inutile

Interesting idea, goldfish love.  I love the first stanza, and I like parts of the second one as well, although not line 15 as much as it seems trite, I would try rearranging as such:

He knows he can't get past the glass
can't breathe the air
can't get past her cat
can't reach her.

That's also in order of what he would have to do.  His first obstacle is the glass, then the fact that he can't breathe the air, and then the cat that would want to eat him.  I like the sounds in "etch each."  I think line 40 would do very well as an ending if you took out the last stanza.
 — Alli

This is a great poem, I love it.
 — unknown

Goldfish are plants that swim- but I love this poem.
 — trafalgore

awwww. this seems so sad. i want to go hug my fish now. ha. but i really like it. i like how you turned something so, average, into something beautiful and heartfelt. very creative. i love this peom!
 — popyelle

haha, very good, oh my, i love it
 — joewaysack

i like the 'can't evade her cat' part! so adorable.great poem:)
 — miss_minx

hahaha! i love this. worse than Dory (finding nemo), even worst than Lucy (50 first dates).
 — bohemian

dr:"u hav cancer and alzeimers"
patient:"phew! at least i don't hav cancer"...
-c
 — unknown

Wow! Such a cool poem, I love it. Its going on my favourites list.
 — dele

beautiful. thank you.
 — OKcomputer

not bad
 — unknown

I will never be able to have a pet fish again. Or maybe I will go buy one directly after work today. I'm not sure - but this made me want to be weepy. Thanks.
 — SarahMichele

wonderfully bitter sweet.. love it
 — Mongrol

bestiality is for fish too
 — unknown

I wonder if that's true about fish memory.  Beta fish recognize their feeder and can be trained to do tricks before getting their food.  
 — unknown

0.227s