|something about the act of being ripe
much about learning is accidental
is it hard work for the fruit
of course it is
for even the simplest of things
laid down in numbers
confusing becomes clear
when you look closer
that all will, with trust and knowledge
(that we learned)
turn out to be satisfying to Something
11 Oct 06
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Your punctuation and lack thereof make this very hard to read correctly.
I'm going to write it the way I read it, you tell me if I'm close.
Much about learning is accidental;
is it hard work for the fruit?
Of course it it, for even
the simplest of things,
laid down in numbers,
confusing becomes. (becomes confusing would be much better writing.)
When you look closer -
think that all will,
with trust and knowledge
(that we learned, remember?)
turn out satisfying to Something.
Why is the fruit applied to numbers? How do fruit and numbers collide in life?
Your second line seems to contradict the first - if the learning is accidental, why is it hard work?
you are not close.
come here, whisper it into my ear, I want to know....
that's really weird isabelle. are you soliciting a younger man?
Well, how would I know you are a younger man? I just want to know what I missed here! Whatever made you think I might go for younger men? *.*
you, at least, are saved.
I'm at a loss as to what's trying to be said here, the lack of punctuation may be a possible reason.
line 4-5: I'm left hanging, somehow this thought feels incomplete once moved on to line 6. You may want to amend the transition bewteen lines 5 & 6 so that it reads clearer.
the 2nd stanza, in my opinion, needs images and details to reflect what's being said.
you've got an interesting idea, it just needs a bit more development. thanks for sharing ;-)
a ripe old age