|just drink a lot of water
candles, softly wasting. i think
it indicates change, some dream
has passed, some twisted bone
everyone has a sore throat,
lying around on the floor
in a pile of people,
limbs protruding here and there
breathing slowly and
with red faces.
gripping one another
trying to reverse
there is what seems to be
a forest fire
outside of the window,
on the sleepers,
moving quickly and fevered,
it is probably the end of the world.
someone shifts. exhales.
the sun swings in
through the crooked blinds.
I reach for someone particular
in brown corduroys, bare torso,
inanimate, dead --
and i pull him closer
pushing my face against
the back of his neck, inhaling.
i cannot swallow without aching
and sadness, vaguely.
some swollen red flesh
pulsating. everyone feels it.
13 Oct 06
Rated 10 (7.3) by 1 users.
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This poem is appealing. yet somewhat confusing. i think you should be more direct with the actions going on in the poem. especially at the end. Good work though. I like the format and punctuation.
you are and make beautiful
it is a wonderful thing that you lend us
I second onkle's comment, you beatiful, beautiful thing
there with you, all the way with the line breaks, the choice of words, the plethora of emotional and physical states ...
This is wonderful, allows for sharing ... though perhaps only a groan
"licking trees" is fantastic
Thank you, thank you
y'all might wanna try
a greasy meal f'r brekkie...
this is just too good (and i don't
even like readin')
one suggestion-i'd'a be remoooooooooovin'
this poem would not mourn th' loss
of that image...
this is my favorite poem i have written.
I really liked reading this, intresting and entertaining
pretty good, a little too abstract - lacks concrete action.
glad i stumbled on this
this is another one i like of yours OK computer....keep writing...
"this is my favorite poem i have written." - i agree, nice read.
i believe this confuses me, but intrigues me and makes me want to understand. it draws me in.
maybe it's just because i'm wasted. the lines are simple. short sentences. but they produce beauty in mass quantities. and they make me want to understand.
re-read and rating comes tomorrow, along with sobriety.
Haha Mould Jesus, hey weren't you someone else before? I can't remember right now because I spent the entire weekend wasted. Literally wasted. Utterly used up.
I like it. :)