poetry critical

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sound
hank

i heard a hissing
 1
tsst
 2
and then another
 3
tsst
 4
in my wine some wood
 5
and out of the woods
 6
some water
 7

17 Oct 06

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Comments:

Is that really the noise made when some off the cork is floating in your wine? Or is that another sound?
 — bleach

no , please try again .
 — unknown

I'm a bit slow. Wood as in somebody's erection?
 — bleach

correct me if I'm wrong, but "hissing" is an adjective, specifically a participle, and as it is doesn't make any sense because it is referred to as a common noun by "another". hissing sound, noise, bug, your mom?
 — Notecompsure

i often think that i should add more to my poems.
 — hank

slowly getting more and more cryptic. nice poem hank.
and it is the sound. yes.

how ya bin?
 — varun

also, the affect and the effect of liquor, as an aphrodisiac. is how i read it.

v.
 — unknown

nice... simplistic and clear.  good stuff!
 — aforbing

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