Nano second radio emissions
fizzle and crack
through stellar space
deep in the starlit jungle
that surrounds suburbanova.
Astronomy books and maps
chart contours of the universe.
Men listen for beeps and burps
of the Cosmos
that merge inside the orbits of their sheds.
Dreams of flying
through a trillion
billion light years
among far flung space cultures
whose alien inhabitants
turn over in their all electric beds.
Black holes,dust clouds,
meteors and comets
in the twinkling of an eye
via the intersteller vision
in the galaxy of their heads.
Cooking smells float by
as they steers each craft
down wind of kitchen window.
each plywood excavation
held together by duck tape
and blue tack.
Across the wavy eon
a terrestrial message
strikes tastebud's keen antennae.
Scent of roast potatoes, gravy,
sizzling slice of beef,
brussel sprouts and hot horseradish.
Internal cosmic forces
that yearn to be fed.
24 Oct 03
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This is very good, yummy stuff. I am always intrigued with the unseen though heard and felt forces flying around us and this captured some of them quite well.
I'm hungry now.
I've taken to copying poems and putting them in a word document and spell checking them. Sometimes I get a little obsessive.
Line 1 - I believe Nano second is one word
Line 7 - you have the word "the" twice. Is this done on purpose? If not, please delete immediately.
Line 18 - space after "holes,"
Line 22 - interstellar
Line 33 - Brussles
Just a few little things, but I believe that unintentional mistakes can ruin a poem.
i believe that unintentional nitpicking can ruin a critique.
I'm sorry about that, I merely wanted to inform the reader of a few mistakes he had made.
I'm sorry about that, I merely wanted to inform the critiquer of a few nits she had picked.
With you following me round the board i feel confident of being shown up for the ungrammatical oaf i reelly ham.Have you ever tried it ,its beautiful in arspic jelly. My teacher at skool always sed i shud lern to spel bur i niver tuk no notice as i wus two bissy tryin to get into girls nikers but none of em fitted cus even then i wus a big fat bastard,so i ad to ave everyfink and made and thats a truw tail.
Leave my nits alone, Noodleman. This is between you, me and that mean looking green armchair over there. *jerks thumb in its direction*
Larry, I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not. Tell me if you want me to keep checking your poems for mistakes, or back off and sit on the mean armchair.
wonderful. the use of what appear to be new words or coined words or simple splicing in a good way words such as circumnavigated and the opening nanosecondradioemissions that feel like one word because of their complicated structure. i never dig food references unless they have a point and although yours this time made me hungry it had a point and for that i thank you. i'm going to read this again.
the food stuff had two meanings write off the bat. devouring to survive as a them of human intervention, and then the whole title-relation to the food, that of speedy society that don't stop and smell the roses, or in this case, the gourmet dinner.
deep in the starlit jungle ... beautiful. i really like the first two lines and then that one.
inside the orbit of their shed... funny because of relations to isolating people. (i heart a theory once that humans isolate the more electronics come into the business. you agree?) i like ... astronomy books and maps ... like it: trying to solve the mysteries of the universe that can't be done. i really like the first two lines though, they are so opening ... nano second radio emissions
fizzle and crack.
okay i need to stop plagairizing your words to unlock all of its meaning!
turn over ... electric beds ... nice line.
the second stanza seems to open up the possibility that humans are in a storm of the universe, with the earth or perhaps son as the eye of the black storm.
yeah you open up the possiblity that humans just devour to survive. that's why i'm trying to keep my distance from this poem because i admire your intelligence, and honesty of such a hard digested wind mill.
just out of my preference i would cut this after line twenty-eight and feel it with something else. but the point is there and so that's why i wouldn't suggest cutting it. nice poem. take care.