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Razor's Edge
Isabelle5

Some of us dance while others shatter.
 1
We smile and pretend it doesn’t matter
 2
to hear their skin crying out.
 3
 
 
Imperious “Some bloody murder here!”
 4
We laugh out loud to cover our fear
 5
when we hear that razor shout.
 6
 
 
It’s a hungry voice that won’t shut up.
 7
Silence comes in a whiskey cup
 8
and the swift sharp cold of her blade.
 9
 
 
Scarlet slash; peace revealed.
 10
Silence shrieks in scars unhealed
 11
and the drips on the floor don’t fade.
 12

24 Oct 03

Rated 9 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 9, 10
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Comments:

Very, very sad, Isabelle. We will go to great lengths to take ourselves to the "level" of our self-image--whether it be up or down. In this case, down. rob
 — unknown

I love the first stanza.
 — quiddity

the rhyme scheme is great and the last stanza is so good!
 — Mazzo

I love it, definately one of the bette poems I have read in a long time. Very sad, but the pace of this poem is intense, like we may find something we had once before missed. But I can see everything you're talking about.
 — dmartin

This is good, the only thing I didn't like was the word "imperious" in L4, but I can't give you a solid reason why...it just seems a bit odd. The rhyme works well.
 — dkm

Sad, but well written, Isabelle. -Sam
 — unknown

I do appreciate your antiposition of several words in this poem, which make it speak ever so more clearly. My only distraction was in the first line (dance vs. shatter), but in retrospect it doesn't matter. (Seriously)
Great job.
 — zepplin42

and yet, time and divine love *can* heal. Even so, this is a powerful snapshot of painful existence.
 — boothben

Author's note. The dancing is other people trying to ignore friends/family with deep problems. It's easier to keep dancing than to take responsibility of any kind.

Imperious is the call of the blade - imagine a hungry diner in a restaurant, snapping his fingers for the waiter to hurry and bring, "Bloody murder here, please!"

The peace revealed - pain, such as being cut, releases endorphins and serotonin into the bloodstream and makes depressives actually feel better after - perverse but true.

And truth to tell, the first line came from a time when I was in deserate pain and my husband had a party for "the boys." He danced while I shattered.

All better now!
 — Isabelle5

Thanks for added clarity. I didn't realize that "The peace revealed" also brought perverted pleasure. Had this been stated in any other way, I wouldn't have understood it.
 — boothben

deserate = desperate (for lack of a p, how many men have fallen? :^
 — Isabelle5

Very good poem...deep and insightful, without being overbearing. -Dave (aka Davezilla)
 — unknown

wow
 — unknown

i absoluteley love this poem!
 — unknown

What makes this sad, is that it’s true.
 — Hmm

This made me cry when I read it, having been down this road myself. It is a terrible twisted wreck of an existance, to be sure! This is a very fast, raw edged piece of work, Is.
 — pearl

damn i'm thirsty now...
 — kronah

blood-thirsty???
 — unknown

It sounds to good
 — unknown

anything that has to do with making me imagine sacred blood dripping
makes me go insane

i always want to try a drop

~*grins*~

love
 — kronah

Nothing like a mug of warm blood after a hard day in the salt mines, right?
 — unknown

why are you so stupid kronah.
good writting
 — rain

Powerful images. You know, the desperation comes through but not the sadness - not even fear, really. More like Fuck you, I hurt. See? And more the powerful for it.

 — ka

Very nice.
 — escondo

aaahhh sooo beautiful, its wonderfully ritten and u realy understand, its so "real and true" sounding
 — unknown

:( good work
 — Adrielle

Ooof... this is very powerful.  I enjoyed it a lot.  I felt the cold of the knife.
 — aforbing

one of a very few where a rhyme scheme works well. and not only does it work well, it actually contributes to teh quality of the poem. i have seen some where the rhyme scheme works well, but it would still be better in free verse. but this is excellent. i can imagine it any other way.
 — AEOS

damn...  i said this to only one other poem,   not many people are actually writing qualitiy poems, but for sure, you are.
 — gothicsin69

i think the rhyme scheme detracts from the emotion of the poem. By using different words, you could have made this much more effective.

But i can connect, because i cut as well. You capture the desperation of it in the last stanzt almost perfectly.
 — omega

absolutely beautiful.
 — sugaraindrop

I liked this. It was more honest and less cliche than any poem of this nature I've read.

line 12 is a little iffy, and I wasn't feeling the title, but upon reading this? Amazing. Way to go.
 — arienette

line 11 is my favorite.

No, nevermind. Every line is my favorite.
 — pennylane

I can really relate to this poem. I am a 14 tear old cutter, and i think this poem really expresses most of the true feelings of a cutter.
 — unknown

Probably one of the best, if not the best, poem of this subject matter on the entire site.

My only suggestion is that line 8 seems a bit out of place.
 — abby

L:ine 8 - let me see if I can say anything to make it seem more in place.  I almost hate to write this since I DO NOT do this anymore.  It's an ugly activity and anyone who cuts should get help right away.  

Whiskey  or any type of alcohol/drug dulls the mind, dulls the inhibitions so that taking sharp objects to your skin does not astonish you as much as it does when you are stone cold sober.

Once you are drugged and you have done the cutting, there is a time of relief and silence from the inner voice compelling you to cause yourself the pain that will release the temporary pseudo relief.  

I repeat, though, this is not a status symbol illness, it is not a harmless activity, it is a sign of severe mental anguish and it demands respect in the form of a doctor, a clinic, hospitalization, if need be, and medication.
 — Isabelle5

kinda cool, the butcher girl with the razor-sharp knife. It was a fun read.
 — TheIceman

chillingly evocative and beautiful writing. 9
 — unknown

I love this so much!! It has a lot of meaning... Rock on Man!! lol
 — SpazinStoner

Isbelle, This hits soooooo very close to home for me.  My 16 yr daughter SH's so I do understand EVERY word and it's placement here.  This is so powerful and so deep felt.  I applaud you in being able to express it so well ... especially here where some ppl (they know who they are) can be so cruel.  
I hope your recovery is an easy one and if you ever need to chat please DON'T hesitate to contact me (contact info is in your thread on the message board about self harming).

~~~~ Dinky ~~~~
 — unknown

why is everyone so obsessed w/ blades to the wrist?
get a new way of "taking the pain away," and stop
trying to be deep if you've never experienced it.
 — lifted

Now, who is Lifted speaking to?  Hopefully not the writer, since the writer used to be well acquaited with this form of illness.  

I don't feel that we are obsessed with cutting.  At least I hope we all move on from it to health and being fully the compassionate people we are.
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle--  this is another fine piece of writing.  Evocative, and chilling, even for one unfamiliar with the topic matter (until I read the comments).  As far as lifted's comment goes, he/she/it seems to be having fun making enemies on the site with inflammatory comments and posts, so pay no heed.   (Besides that, the comment they left on your poem is childish, pretentious and poorly written)  Keep on writing, I'm a fan of your stuff.
 — root

Self-indulgent; juvenile; shows attempt at depth and with work, poet will become good.
 — unknown

I Loved the rhyme scheme... The imagery in this was really good... great emotion and great flow...
 — InvalidPain

I don't see you dancing, when someone has a problem. Nice poem.
Justine
 — unknown

I like this poem.  I think it definitely says so much about the pain that exists in this world and the individual ways in which we respond to it.  Nice job.
 — mot_juste

OOOOoooo.  That's chilling.
 — themolly

good adjectives, but its to out there, its almost fake.
 — divinity

wow it was awsome!
 — lollypop

Wasn't actually too out there; part of my real life, sad to say
 — Isabelle5

Line 3 is eloquent and understated -
meter is spot on -
7-9 good -
the problem is not the points maded in 10-12 but the word choice. Scarlet is such a romantic word and seems misplaced but crimson is a word ruined by teenagers so you cant use that.

You could use 'wet magenta' or mortals corked (to refer to wine, messiahs, bleeding some fucked up kind of asian stigmata)

I'll get my coat.

Fine work isabelle - you impress me.


Caducus (dont faint that i commented)
 — unknown

7d it
 — Caducus

I don't particularly like this one, but i do applaud you for the rhyme, which i've noticed you carry off really well. not that many poets can do that, but you can. nicely done.
 — Lia

excellent
 — goober55

This is very well written. I just hate the subject matter, but then dont we all. Sad and poignant. Gladly beyond my experience.

Well done.
Peterbee
 — peterbee

this is awesome. makes me think you're done writing after line two in the second stanza ... but then you add another, just a last connecting piece, and it's awesome, and ....
   favorite.
 — listen

i think the line 'silence comes in a whiskey cup' is fantastic i've just started a serious of poems about alcoholism which is such an un-trendy subject and i really like this its fantastic
 — rodney

Thanks.  Boy, if you need information about alcoholism, I have stories of my second husband.  I wish HIS silence had come in a whiskey cup!  
 — Isabelle5

I have to laugh - you're starting a serious about alcoholism.  Wow, what a perfect slip that was, my friend!  Good luck
 — Isabelle5

well it is sort of serious. i'm as pink as a grapefruit.
 — rodney

Pink as a grapefruit?  Sorry?
 — Isabelle5

This speaks very clearly to those who have been here before.
 — blankpages

Thank you for saying that.  I hope that anyone who can relate is out of that behavior, as it solves nothing, simply creates another mess that you have to eventually clean up.

Hugs to all the self-haters and now learn to love yourself.  We're all precious.  
 — Isabelle5

very nice
 — schotsy

oh my God, this is one of the best poems I have read on this site. It paints a devastating picture of what self harmers go through with excellent imagery. I love the rhyme style you have used. This poem made so much sense to me.
 — marieF

To be honest, the rhyming is a little rough, in my opinion.
 — mixtapeboy

YES!
 — beckeyleigh

lines 10-11 are absolutely great.
sad image though
- gears
 — unknown

isabelle,
this is my first time posting anonymously on purpose.  i find a good reason for doing so too.  you know me.  but you don't know who this is.  but that's alright.  in time i shall tell you.  i cut myself.  i've been doing that for a while now to tell you the truth.  it sucks.  but it's hard to tell people and it's hard to keep it a secret.  yes. it. is.
 — unknown

Dear sad unknown, you can and will stop when it's time.  I did and I was not stronger than anyone else, just tired of being wounded.  The scars will remind you, someday long from now, that it was a battle that you won.  There are other battles to be fought, outside of your own skin, that will teach you other lessons.

Good luck and God's blessings.
 — Isabelle5

line 11 is perfection.
 — unknown

Really calls my attention to the suffering of our people- I have experienced evil beings try to talk me into supposedly "ending my suffering" in such a way. There is so little open understanding of what troubles us. It is often treated like a myth by those who make the most money and who manage, at least,  US American society. There is more comprehension of demons and the bad folks, familiars, etc. in other places it seems although the encroachment of western thinking seems to deny it further. It's quite sad to realize and that if we don't do our best for those who deserve it, it won't be done for us or ours. I don't believe in romanticizing it or that it achieves a real peace. The conflict continues its back and forth war until judgement and good justice come. Those who willingly participate destroy themselves and make us too often miserable. Try not to be arrogant, unfaithful, lacking in compassion, and a contributor to wrongful destructions, but also realize some represent righting justice and things coming back around, and do one's best to understand and love.
 — C

Evil beings?  What evil beings?  This is about self-harm and depression, not demonic possession.
 — Isabelle5

i hear gilette has a new five blader out


Closeshavehaven
 — unknown

Imperious should have a colon after it.  

Razor is useless.  

Third stanza is perfect until the third line.  I almost stopped.
 — yeesher

Isabelle, I love this, shows you care but still keep it poetic and interesting.
 — flaminhot

Why would Imperious have a semi colon after it?  The word colon comes to mind when I see your handle currently but it has nothing to do with punctuation, yeesher...
 — Isabelle5

now? do you write this from experience or from the views of another person?
 — Anna-Erb

Both.  In this, I am the cutter and my ex was the one who kept dancing.  There is a lot of covering up and pretence involved on both sides of a cutter's life.

I do not do this anymore, nor do I recommend it.  The problems remain to be dealt with, long after the scars heal.  It's easy to deal with them head on, rather than with a bloody wave of the arm that says, "Oh, this?  This is nothing, I'm fine, really."
 — Isabelle5

so very ver tru i can relate to this
 — unknown

I really like this.  The speaker's relationship with the razor is very clear, dynamic and 'round' in the literary meaning.  Besides the resentment, I sense some comfort or nastalgia in that relationship too-(that's not a dig)-I know those andorphins(sp?).  And you know the tone of your poem, I need not tell you it's sad.      
 — Lexie

Well, Lexie, you hit it on the head.  The relationship itself is a form of cutting - after you're bloody and bruised, there is a certain type of man who needs to be the comforter, even though he is the cause.  I call it the "slap and kiss" relationship.   I've seen it in parents toward their children, too.  So hard to climb out of but oh, the freedom when you do.  
 — Isabelle5

I know that freedom...I still struggle from time to time, at this point not with cutting, but with the more subtle, unhealthy things that can only be found internally...but I think once you know that freedom, you also know hope, which is very strong.    
 — Lexie

Maybe it's built in to some of us.  Some people just seem to take their places so nicely, pick the right mates, etc.  Some of us don't do it that easily!  hahaha

Welcome, Lexie, by the way.  When I saw the name, I thought you were my ex-roommate and I got very nervous!
 — Isabelle5

Oh please forgive me.  I love the form and rhyme scheme, but I can't figure out the message.
 — Storytime

The message - it's hard for people to accept that people can fall apart and so some turn their backs and pretend it's not true, others tell you to suck it up, some laugh and dance while you cry in the corner.  

It's about the howling in your soul that some of us used to quiet by seeing the blood, the real pain that could be the "image" of what you could not show anyone of the pain inside.  It's about the way the brain sends pain relief when you're cutting and how you calm down by doing the very worst thing you can do, self-harm.

It's about the past, by the way, the best place for self-mutilation to be.
 — Isabelle5

  i really dont understand what people see in this peice. it says nothing to me that hasnt already been said by thousands no millions of pathetic snivling teenage girls who have poor self esteem and apparently a cutting issue that is dominatly for attention...........
 — unknown

Wow, thanks for thinking I'm a sniveling teen aged girl!  
 — Isabelle5

Quite a few abstractions and ambiguities early on; I feel like I'm pulling at straws to say that this poem is about cutting.  Examples: Dance, shatter, shout, the pronouns in the first stanze ("we" and "their skin").
4 is a fragment, and feels disconnected from 3, but it's fine (license, etc.)

"Scarlet" and "scars" make an weird connection; I don't think that was intentional, but it extends the alliteration and makes it a bit of a tongue twister.

8 is good, but Line 9 is excellent.

I like the sound of it as well, though the cross-stanza rhymes are a bit overextened.

7.5/10; I gave an 8 for lack of a better rating system hehe.  Good to see that some people still play with structure, several strong lines, though an awkward start. Possibly publishable with work.
 — technomancer

Nice work.
 — JerryReed

I really like this. It's so true. I know I've met the razor before myself.
 — SordidShade

I doubt that very much.  
 — Isabelle5

Not one of your best, Isabelle.  It reads like you worked very hard to make the poem work, and penned it from the head rather than from the heart.  Usually, with your work, it tends to encourage an empathy that takes one over and places the reader at the center of the event being written about.  Unfortunately, for me, this poem fails to do that.  I'm surprised that I'm disappointed by something you've written - a rare event indeed.  No rating.
 — unknown

For a poem about something so many people generalize and misunderstand, this seems raw and honest. Without the cliches.
 — Muzatsu

This is a perfect example (with 20 people favoriting it) of a poem that is not written very well, but the topic is on a touchy subject and people might feel bad giving it a poor rating. 'Silence comes in a whiskey cup?" Come on! Who drinks whiskey from a cup...it's usually a shot glass. That line is a very uncool line. 5/10.
 — Henry

Ah, you're wrong about that, Henry.  People drinking do not care what kind of vessel holds their "medicine," only that they get what they need to be numb.

You are not reading this properly, apparently.  Read the first verse from the mate's point of view - ignore the wounded wife, go out dancing, leave her home alone, whistle and pretend all is well.  The second verse is from the mutilators view, knowing the desire to hurt yourself will come and you also pretend all is well.  The third verse is the breakdown and the lack of courage to face the reality of things so you do something obvious, something bloody, to show yourself that you are, indeed, hurting inside, where no one can see it.  You need a wound to show yourself that it's real.

I've already explained the last verse.  Pain released brings endorphins to bring an uneasy peace.  

Read it with a steady beat, like a heart pounding.  
 — Isabelle5

Thank you, no.
 — Isabelle5

beautiful really
 — BloodySunday

thank you isabelle for giving us a voice and a lesson.
 — unknown

Excellent, excellent rhyming scheme/choice of lyrics.  Very sad, but very real.
 — unknown

i like it
i dont think its sad though
i think it speaks of sadness in a simple and beautiful way
its why i like it
 — vereor

I like this...a nice rhythym (I have no idea if I spelled that correctly!), I read it aloud several times to hear the cadence.  I was never a cutter myself, drugs used to be my favorite method of hurting myself.  I guess we all bear are scars, visible or not.
 — skinnyJon

I saw the title and I thought it was about "Raiser's Edge", a special; database that charities use for keeping donor information on.
Like the "hungryvoice", though what is it hunry fro, an answer?
 — unknown

v good Isa
 — unknown

What is it hungry for?  Pain becomes a habit, like any other drug that the brain can use to feel.  Like any habit, it begins to nudge you when you try to ignore it.  
 — Isabelle5

mmm. WELL i see how its beautiful, i see the imagry i really do but this poem doesnt speak to me. my only point isabelle is that poems are as personal as your own finger print. others may admire it but its yours and only yours. but i do have to say your rhyming is always amazing. :) 9. keep it up ur very popular!
 — LycanStorm

moving.
 — unknown

"silence shrieks in scars unhealed"... wow. i love this. i dont know what else to say but you touched me with this one.
 — brokenarrows

me and my big wow, this made me feel very humble and quiet.  thanks.
 — unknown

Isabelle, you're amazing.  Lol, you don't know who I am because I'm an old user facing pc with a new name, and praying that things have changed a bit. I am, however, glad I can still find comfort in the fact that you are an amazing writer.  I often forget how much I enjoy your work until I come back and reread it.  Thanks!
 — Believer

Wow, this was from my distant past...glad that part is over.
 — Isabelle5

yeah but I can see, historically, how you see the way with words -- nevertheless, even our still-born ideas and writes are distilled in the longing of our nights toward a brighter poem amongst the wayward stars that roam the skies of our hopes 'n wishes, fears 'n worries, laughter 'n tears and our if-only sighs
 — AlchemiA

beutiful i love it
 — silentspring

i don't like the cutty up poems but i like this one. everything that can be said has been said so i'll just add my like for it
 — billy423uk

I don't like it. :( Every stanza repeats the meaning of the first. Skin can't "cry out", as it has no mouth. Line four doesn't make sense(Imperial?). Did somebody get murdered? Why is the voice hungry when it's the razor that is drinking the blood?

Line eight: "Silence comes in a whisky cup", is awesome, but the following line doesn't make sense(fragment?).

Scarlet slash; peace revealed. Ehh? That basically sums up the entire poem. You kill yourself and you find peace. But that sounds like something some overly emotional person might say. It's certainly not insightful, and personally I find the idea of killing yourself to find piece completely morally repugnant. It's probably put in here for shock value.

Also, silence can't "shriek". The image has pretty much been worn out. The last line is pretty good though. "And the drips on the floor don't fade" *brrr!* That's chilly!
 — Barranto33

Expressed nicely,
I understood it.
 — Kitteh

excellent poem
 — Rossant

Geez, resurrection of a very old poem!
 — Isabelle5

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