poetry critical

online poetry workshop



E-go Bounding Sixties Style
larrylark

He go, we go, I go, she go,
 1
down to the Lido,
 2
dancing at the disco.
 3
 
 
Sixties pixie, dance-steps tricksy,
 4
Guitar picks licksy,
 5
Go for a fixie.
 6
 
 
Kaftan, Cheyenne, far man, out man,
 7
Pee in billy can
 8
underneath an afghan.
 9
 
 
Joss stick, cool chick, psychic, delphic
 10
freewheel electrics,
 11
folksy fiddlesticks.
 12
 
 
Easy rider, slim, slow slider,
 13
Mind blown on cider,
 14
Lay down beside her
 15
 
 
Nine months later, don't wanna date her,
 16
prefer big sister
 17
should have kissed her instead.
 18

29 Oct 03

Rated 8.5 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7
Inactive (20): 1, 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(902 more poems by this author)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

You had me until the very last verse, when suddenly all the ME of those times came roaring back. Except for that last verse, it's fun to read and makes you want to dance in our chair.
 — Isabelle5

A real gem. Loved the way you ended this - great timing. Best bit for me = 9 - 11. I'm smiling again. Thank you very very much.
 — unknown

Groovy!
 — unknown

Fantastic rhythm, original style, excellent work.
 — Infrangible

Ghostface Killah? It's a good poem. I don't know what to say to you. To the readers who don't get this, I recommend reading the words nice and slowly. It'll make sense.
-zep
 — zepplin42

i love the rhythm of this.

there's a song it makes me think of. billy joel's still rock n' roll tmo e, i think. that's the beat[and the music..] i'm singing those lines to in my head.

listen to the song, then read this over, and you'll see it. the first two stanzas are my favourite.
 — shakeit

wow, that was a horrible typo.

Billie Joel - Still Ronk N' Roll to Me

somehow it came out as something else entirely.
 — shakeit

pah. great title.
e-genius

im gonna write bout discos in the eighties now. influenced by this. and write it using techniques like in this maybe. im ripe for a parody.

i fun this
 — kaleidazcope

Thanks for the kind comments ,i will pass them on to the hibernating dormouse who wrote this after waking up from a long sleep and thinking he was still in the 60's
 — larrylark

Good. More like this.
 — dookie

wow, this is great, i actually danced around, your rhythm is great, it's quite original. i haven't read something like this in a while
 — Gabriella

Dear Gabriella

thank you for reading and commentating on this homage to my lost youth.

Larry where have all the flowers gone Lark
 — unknown

the rhythm is really catchy!
 — imahabit

Dear Imabit

Glad you like the rythmn

Larry on the beat Lark
 — larrylark

goood. i like the flow
Kaftan, Cheyenne, far man, out man,  9
Pee in billy can  10
underneath an afghan.  11
good set of lines there
 — modioperandi

don't need a weatherman
to know which way the wind blows
 — unknown

Dear Unknown

don't follow leaders watch your parking meters.

Larry selling postcards of the hanging Lark
 — larrylark

2nd stanza- make the words more parallel, either change Sixties pixies to "sixties pixie" or add S s to the rest. Just my opinion, like the rest except some rhymes were a little forced, or maybe I pronounce words differently.
 — Cloudless

Dear Cloudlewss

thanks for the suggestion which i agree with and have acted upon.

LARRY
 — larrylark

You are welcome.

CLOUDLESS
 — Cloudless

i l o v e this. thats all.
 — adiscodancer

Dear adisco dancer

This is one of the first things i wrote and has a dear place in my heart. Glad you liked it
 — larrylark

just fab! loved it.
 — Meep

cute
 — unknown

Dear Unknown

I like cute.

Larry
 — unknown

Quite the twisted nursery rhyme, Larry.  Love it.
 — housepoppy

Dear Housepoppy

I love nursery lines almost as much as your comment on my poem.
 — larrylark

Lotsa fun - reminds me of a song "Pop Music" by a band called M
 — CrunchyWeta

i liked it alot it has fantastic rhythm everything went great together
 — tawshabyers

clicked on random poems and glad i did. i remember this gem :) excellent playful rhyme and meter.
 — Ananke

yeehaw
great rhythm, drew me in immediately,
and i knew instinctively which syllables
to speed up, which to slow down.
well done, but
L17- not fittin' the flow
i read this a cuppla times over
and always tripped there...
 — chuckles

Hi Chuckles

glad you enjoted my slalom through the 60's as i think i remember it.

Larry far out man Lark
 — larrylark

nice lyric. pretty bubblegum, but the color's pretty. the last stanza is hickok, and maybe "grown to hate her" is gratuitous? the loving spoonful had that "did you ever have to make up your mind," which was also pretty jingly, and it was about this kind of conflct; i think your colors are better and more plastic, but they were new york junkies.
 — mikebauer

very Dylan. Last verse - a let down, like the end ryhme 'er' should finish with the word masterbat'er'.
 — unknown

Only just got the reference to Ezy Rider and Slim Slow Slider - that make me an old git then? Riding on the highway of desire. He says the free wind .....is probably IBS.
 — dia

you abandon traditional word usage to make this a delight to read, in the sense that it rolls like humorous music. very nice.
 — listen

this poem sticks out a lot, from your library. i don't know why. i like the music behind it. i just thought i'd let you know, if you ever decide to revisit one of your initial masterpieces.
 — listen

mr larry very very nice riff lark.
i'm in the mood for dancing...

actually just singing it...can't dance.
: )
 — fractalcore

this read's with so much rythym it's great. The best bit for me was lines 9-11 aswell.
 — spikeydarrin

well, i'm still singing it
trying hard to dance.
: )
 — fractalcore

I liked this a lot, but some of the images seem to be more 70's like billy can and the disco.

Nice writing.
 — pasnitro

whoa, hello again,
larry dear sir lark.

: )
 — fractalcore

Hi Fracts

I feel like a man who has neglected his first poetic love but to be honest i have not the time and patience for PC these days though it is a good enough place to store my miserable scribbles

Larry scribbling away to little sffect Lark
 — larrylark

lol. this poem is swell. can you tell?
they don't serve breakfast in hell.

words to your mothers.
 — mandolyn

Some like breakfast hot..I prefer muesli being a pretty cool guy and bound neither up or down
 — larrylark

shit.
 — raskolniikov

I recommend California Syrup Of Figs for all problems with shit

Larry master blaster Lark
 — larrylark

Disco was even invented in the sixties.
 — unknown

Recent Best (expand)
0.275s