poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Dutch Still life Interior (1658)
larrylark

Each tile and brick individually scrubbed.
 1
Pewter rubbed among transactions of thrift and purpose.
 2
Solid wooden chest invests the wall,
 3
draped in tapestry, handed, father to son,
 4
counting the cost of  a life saved
 5
against what’s to come.
 6
 
 
Beyond the courtyard wall, dogs howl
 7
among cattle dung,
 8
while ragged souls cast despairing glances
 9
over roofs whose chimneys were adorned
 10
with polished smoke.
 11

19 Nov 06

Rated 10 (7.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 7, 7, 8, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(649 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Very nice and picturesque. I don't think I got it all in the first read (I'm not supposed to, am I?), so I will read it again. The first part is more a Vermeer, while chimneys adorned with polished smoke reminds me of Cezanne. A Dutch interior with a window to a Modernist French cityscape?
 — roy_p

Hi roy

I alaways think a poem should be anything you want to see in it and i adore Vermeer and think Cezanne one of the finest painters ever.

Larry
 — larrylark

larry, you're maturing with age.
you get better with each poem of yours i read.

smile.
midare
 — midare

Larry, having spent most of my life in Holland, I can say you have truly captured the Dutch Golden Age essence here!! And, this is most certainly not Jan Steen's interior :-)). Brilliant.
 — JustineCH

this is lovely. was this poem inspired by any particular painting?  
 — redsky

Dear Midare,

If you uncorked my bottle the words to describe the smell would be over ripe with a faint hint of fustiness. Thanks for the inspiring reply.

Larry vinegared Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Justine

The nearest i ever got to Holland was a pair of clogs.

Larry well shod Lark
 — larrylark

Hi redsky

It was inspired by the recent film about Vermeer's model whose name escapes me.

Larry in the pink Lark
 — larrylark

"The Girl With the Pearl Earring" ...
 — unknown

Hi Unknown

and there was me thinking it was The Girl With The Opal Crusted Handbag.

Larry silly boy Lark
 — larrylark

Asshole poem. Tetto is the biggest asshole. This poem is #2.
 — unknown

Hey man slow down or your arsehole will be left behind on the sidewalk and you'll have nothing left to shit out of.

Larry old fart Lark
 — larrylark

I think you could do better than to endstop the first two lines, Larry. They seem too clipped, too abrupt. Especially as I consider this as a single image, like looking at a dark painting, a little slice of life. They shouldn't be cut off like that.

Do you think l3 could use an article before "solid wooden chest"? It seems a little awkward to read. Also there appears to be an extra space in l5, between "of" and "a".

I like "polished smoke" and some of the imagery of scrubbing, thrift, etc in the first strophe. Well done, for all my nitpicking.

Ta.  
 — dandy

Dear Dandy

Thanks for your crit and i think you are right about the first two lines and i will consider ways i might change them. Your comments are really appreciated but i will address them fully after my birthday tomorrow.

Thanks once more

Larry pensionable age Lark
 — unknown

Bene. Happy birthday, Larry. Remember not mix beer and wine.
 — dandy

Hi Dandy

I'm afraid your sound advice has come to late but i have my daughters here at the moment and like guardian angels they will keep a careful watch.

Thanks

Larry bending into 60 Lark
 — larrylark

0.192s