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some blooming winged bird  expands wholly
with the newborn smiling sun the bird
screaming up up now and i too wake blooming
increasing and rolling slowly
out of a recent lifetime
with heavy eyes and leaden legs.
somehow darling you are sad-looking. with your
eyes inverted perhaps you witness
fields of starving flowers
anticipating a droning end-to-the-world
with new sounds
enough to burst each hair on your head
fields on fire
i cup your face in my hands and suck you

21 Nov 06

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little things like 'a' in 5 seem unneccessary
and 14 wordy [i your my you] are all needed:
i cup face in hands and suck you?

the gentle flourishes in 3 and 7 are lovely

moaning was my least favourite word

i like your poem
 — bettalpha