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GOODMORNING FOR A BAD LIFETIME
OKcomputer

some blooming winged bird  expands wholly
 1
with the newborn smiling sun the bird
 2
screaming up up now and i too wake blooming
 3
increasing and rolling slowly
 4
out of a recent lifetime
 5
with heavy eyes and leaden legs.
 6
somehow darling you are sad-looking. with your
 7
eyes inverted perhaps you witness
 8
fields of starving flowers
 9
anticipating a droning end-to-the-world
 10
with new sounds
 11
enough to burst each hair on your head
 12
fields on fire
 13
i cup your face in my hands and suck you
 14

21 Nov 06

Rated 9 (5) by 1 users.
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(88 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

little things like 'a' in 5 seem unneccessary
and 14 wordy [i your my you] are all needed:
i cup face in hands and suck you?

the gentle flourishes in 3 and 7 are lovely

moaning was my least favourite word

i like your poem
 — bettalpha

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