poetry critical

online poetry workshop


In the very least, be thankful
your pimp has a name,
perhaps no heart, but a neck
you might put your two fine hands around.
My man has always been God,
and He loves like men love
the things they sell, what returns
as gold. The girl you were
would never be so trite
as to disappear into sunset and a low bombast,
but instead fades into soil colours and calcium
deposits. Inside your face is another, and another,
and only then your particular bones
and the predictable stone of your heart,
quartz and daintily throbbing.
How many faces may fit inside one face?
Don't think I don't know what it's like
to love, to go to bed at night
with a knife beside you. Let the proof of it
be scraped from the skin under your fingernails
as evidence. Lay down alone
on a pallet of mouths, hot
and unfolding, to cull his fingerprints from you.

29 Nov 06

Rated 10 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (28): 1, 1, 1, 5, 6, 6, 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(6 users consider this poem a favorite)

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Lines 8 - 10 make me crazy jealous.
 — PollyReg

this has a very cool, very fast paced (chaotic?) flow to it.  i can't really think of anything to say except that 'a pallet of mouths' is a very strange image indeed.  not sure what that's getting at but...  two thumbs up lol!
 — balancing

Love 17 - 19 as well. Thats the 10.

 — unknown

I haven't the foggiest what this is supposed to be about. Who is talking and who is the person talking, describing? Mary of Magdalene is one perhaps, but which?
 — unknown

Beautifully written
 — unknown

Nicely written, unlike that worm Tetto.
 — unknown

This is great. It flows from beginning to end. It has a fast pace which suits this poem and I love the content. You come across as an extremely strong poet who knows what direction your poems need to take.
Love L16.
 — marieF

I wish someone would explain this to me.
 — unknown

yo yo yo!! they have a new movie comin out. i'm glad i read did before the movie came out. mary magdalene was jesus christ's lover. i love jesus. this poem is so true and it get ya thinkng.
 — Trudy

 — OwlGirl

very cool
 — unknown

i'd like to see line 2 be line 1.
 — unknown

nice. this was written so abstractly yet it was one of those poems written so well that the reader understands it fully in their mind. you had many incredibly unique and descriptive passages which i loved, like when you wrote "as to disappear into sunset and a low bombast,
but instead fades into soil colours and calcium
deposits". also, when you wrote about the many faces being within your own, that was nothing short of pure genious. even your title was intriguing and fabulous. rock on.
 — lanezfairy

OH yeah!!!  This is #1 for a reason.  What a FANTASTIC work of art!  I LOVE L22 "lay down alone on a pallet of mouths..."  Just AWESOME.  Congratulations.  :-)
 — starr

It doesn't touch me.  Nice as an intellectual exercise though.  Great for those readers who are wrapped up in 'thinking' alone.
 — unknown

Will you stop giving yourself tens, please.  This doesn't deserve to be at number seven on the top rated list.
 — unknown

The only poems I have ever given a 10 to are the egg on my face, and rixes "on marriage"

Will you stop acting like a douche, please, and tell me what's off with this poem? something in the enjambment, I suppose.
 — unknown

nice style but too personal for me...
 — greenmantle

absolutely wonderful...
 — GreenDreams

i joined this site wanting to fullfil some sort of intellectual hunger inside myself,.......and im sure the rest of u did too. if you don't understand a poem or just don't like it,........dont waste ur time with stupid comments that offer no help! im sorry truday that whole "i love jesus thing, bla bla bla the movie (which name u didnt even mention)" was a waste of time! this site is to be critical of poetry,.......key word there POETRY!!!! if u do not understand, write or like poetry, or feel like talking about poetry get the hell of this site please!
 — crismonblue

I! cherish line 16! I love how you express yourself! You have been through a lot, that is what my heart feels! How many children do you have? I have 6 !
 — Hulda

I'm loving the top rated list at the moment. I'm glad I found this one again.

It gives me goosebumps.

 — PollyReg

Sublime and haunting.  I'm with polly 8-10 are gold.  Really nice work.
 — sybarite

 — unknown