poetry critical

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a little of your time that i initially considered mine (own time)

i have a quick opportunity
as they often are
split gone
then you feel blurried
but let's not get carried
away i have
an opportunity (that i'm not buying)
to use on you

16 Dec 06

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i like this. its nice- short and simple.
L4 i think should be blurred
and i suggest that you should reconsider using a different title. i think this one it too long...
 — x2jocelyn2x

You should keep BLURRIED. Have you considered three stanzas instead of two?
 — unknown