poetry critical

online poetry workshop

The Preacher--Degeneration

On all of our nerves
there comes a sclerosis
as every vein
limes up in stenosis
while we inhale
what may be worse
sans Listerine, our halitosis.

18 Dec 06

(define the words in this poem)
(181 more poems by this author)

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would get rid of that 'and' maybe...
nice poem.

 — unknown

You're right.  The "and" that lead-off L3 is now "while".
The line-end commas are new too.
Thanks for quick helps. If this is not OK now, let me know?
The poem is so small it's just bit of fun fluff.
Perhaps The Preacher could be beginning a series of typical tiny sermons?
"We'll" see.  Thanks,
 — netskyIam