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The Preacher on Credit

Every man who ever lived
lived on credit owed the Lord;
lives on His Prophets' Sharing Plan;
agrees to pay interest to his life's condition
or burn lucre forever in debtors' perdition.

26 Dec 06

(define the words in this poem)
(181 more poems by this author)

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comma after credit. nice extended metaphor, but i don't think it's orginal. is any metaphor when it comes to religion? nevetheless, good enough job.
 — unknown

Thanks!  May I ask others whether they think a comma is wanted after "credit"?
Personally, I don't see the need--but I might be dead wrong.
As for originality: I may have replayed an old them (credit owed to god), but if so,
it's just an accidental replay. I am not religious and this is satire, after all.
Thanks so much for your guidance, anonymous friend.
 — netskyIam

I would leave the comma out. L2 should read ' Everyone who ever lived'
 — unknown

Thanks, advisor above.  
I would like to keep The Preacher a sexist guy;
women count for nothing in his book.  Awful,
but lampoons must harpoon life.

audio recitation
 — netskyIam

Holy fire and brimstone, did you add something to this?
The voice is perfect, I didn't know whether to laugh or repent
 — unknown

It's the same--just a reading in character.  
When I hear Dylan Thomas' rendering of his signature poem,
and compare that, or Tennyson's recording of Charge of the Light Brigade;
these examples enbolden me to do stage-y readings.  Poetry can be theatrical.
Like preaching!  It's fun.   My message?  REPENT from soaking in brainwashings;
they bleach out free thoughts as if free thought were some sort of stain.
Thanks for liking the caricature.
 — netskyIam