comma after credit. nice extended metaphor, but i don't think it's orginal. is any metaphor when it comes to religion? nevetheless, good enough job.
Thanks! May I ask others whether they think a comma is wanted after "credit"?
Personally, I don't see the need--but I might be dead wrong.
As for originality: I may have replayed an old them (credit owed to god), but if so,
it's just an accidental replay. I am not religious and this is satire, after all.
Thanks so much for your guidance, anonymous friend.
I would leave the comma out. L2 should read ' Everyone who ever lived'
Thanks, advisor above.
I would like to keep The Preacher a sexist guy;
women count for nothing in his book. Awful,
but lampoons must harpoon life.
Holy fire and brimstone, did you add something to this?
The voice is perfect, I didn't know whether to laugh or repent
It's the same--just a reading in character.
When I hear Dylan Thomas' rendering of his signature poem,
and compare that, or Tennyson's recording of Charge of the Light Brigade;
these examples enbolden me to do stage-y readings. Poetry can be theatrical.
Like preaching! It's fun. My message? REPENT from soaking in brainwashings;
they bleach out free thoughts as if free thought were some sort of stain.
Thanks for liking the caricature.