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Mother Land.
larrylark

I came down from Moscow,
 1
fur was flying there;
 2
in a yard behind the Kremlin,
 3
i battled with a bear.
 4
 
 
 
 
The Steppes looked so inviting,
 5
wheat in haystack piles;
 6
peasants walked for miles and miles
 7
to place their names in secret files.
 8
 
 
 
 
The hotels were immaculate,
 9
north east west and south,
 10
snow in blew across the floor,
 11
someone walked in through the door,
 12
a hand was placed across my mouth.
 13

19 Nov 03

Rated 8 (8.7) by 4 users.
Active (4): 4
Inactive (1): 8, 8, 10, 10

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Comments:

I want more of this - what happened, why you? Who, what, where, when, how and Why? Good beginning now tell me more!
 — Isabelle5

Me, too... give us more. This 'hanging' poem is not doing it for me. It also seems you are a bit forced into some of the rhymes. Like in this one Snoop song where he says: "this b*tch lived in the convelescent home"... he tries SO hard to find a rhyme that he is WAY off the topic. What the hell is he talking about? You never want your reader to do that. Use rhyme ONLY if it is suiting your need. Otherwise, it will confine you and your poem will not convey what you want it to. Still, overall, this is a decent poem--just give us more.
 — aforbing

YES!!!!!!
 — unknown

i dont care
 — unknown

And then...?

Don't stop now!
 — Lia

Dear Lia

As you probably know from the tone of my replies ,i used to be in the British Secret Service with the number 005.I spent many years on her majesties service in Russia and am still classified.Thats the reason i can't write the ending to this poem,cus its top secret.
 — larrylark

Uh huh. And you thought I was bullshitting you before...
 — Lia

wow, great. You are a fantastic poet!
 — Riverwriter2

very good poem. don't make it hollyword, leave it hanging instead.
 — unknown

Thanks for the comments, they are much appreciated.
 — larrylark

As you probably know from the tone of my replies ,i used to be in the British Secret Service with the number 005.I spent many years on her majesties service in Russia and am still classified.Thats the reason i can't write the ending to this poem,cus its top secret.
– larrylark



If you were in Her Majesty's Service, you would never have typed Her Royal Majesty's title in lower case.

Dame Edna Everidge
 — unknown

Dear Edna

Lovely to hear from you,hows Les? the old Aussie bastard. To my recollection and this is not totally reliable as the years have weakened my drinking arm the only cases to survive in HMS Secret Service were nut cases.

Regards

Larry SMERSH Lark
 — larrylark

Still the same old spluttering pot-bellied bastard.  

Dame E. Everidge  
 — unknown

This is soo funny!
 — unknown

wha happening to the danube then?

up from moscow?

if i not reading your commenitng i then to sey to you -- the ending better off as 'mouse' or even 'moose'?

otherwise david bowie wont' be happy and niether the port stain in politbureaux
 — unknown

Nice to hear from you Edna. Did you spend xmas on the beach this year ,surfin' with Santa?
 — unknown

it's 'gremlin'

not kremlin

get with it, dudette
 — unknown

loved this muchly. my son left for muldova on xmas day. you made me laugh.
 — unknown

seems like the abridged version of something that should be farfar longer and epic and sweeping and full of subterfuge and espionage and sex
 — chuckle_s

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