poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Kansas wasn't good enough
callingcard

Green green grass wasn't good enough for her,
 1
nor was her papa's cornfield at high noon.
 2
Not even her grandma's summer garden
 3
could serve as a pallete to her fashion.
 4
So she took some pills and sang all night
 5
and in the morning left for New York.
 6
She got hit by a truck while alighting from the bus.
 7
It's interesting, because a passer-by took a photo
 8
and her blood and brains inspired a cardigan
 9
for the fall-winter collection at DKNY.
 10

15 Mar 07

Rated 9.5 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (2): 8, 9, 9

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Comments:

interesting story. the title is brilliant. i got a wonderful visual here.

green green grass, the cornfield, summer garden.

then bam! smashing piece.

thank you
ilene
 — ilenelush

Good stuff. However, I think more background info would be useful. Excellent ending by the way! Matter-of-fact style yet not terribly rhythmic, and I like it!
 — bleach

Lovely little epitath, this is very clever and satisfying in its brevity and simplicity of form.
 — unknown

Thanks guys! I'm not "fallen" or Marry Babb" by the way!
 — callingcard

I didn't steal anything and I don't know who Mary is. Why can't people focus on the POEM i WROTE?
 — callingcard

Did you think by changing the format, punctuation, words, and content that no one would notice the plagiarism? The estate of Mary Babb has not been contacted, and copywrite infringement charges are not now proceeding to take everything that you have because of this outrage.

F
 — unknown

This is a totally brilliant poem written in such an off hand audacious style it takes the breathe away. My kind of poem

Larry pelican crossing Lark
 — larrylark

Thank you so much Larry, best praise I've ever had. I had given up on people paying attention to this poem other than talking about whatever mary babb is.
 — callingcard

hi callingcard - in order to clear things up before i read your poem, Mary Babb was a poet on here who used to live in Kansas, hence why people go on about it. she left because of the same people, so just ignore them.

anyway, le poem.

i think in line 7 it would read better if it said, 'she got hit by THE truck.' the poem is written in a way that suggests she has already moved on from kansas. by saying THE, to me, it gives emphasis to this fact, and it further creates the detachment that this poem creates. it has a very cold feel to it.

other than that, i have nothing more to add. i like the way this is written and there's nothing else i would offer a critique on. nice poem.
9/10
Eso
 — Esoteric

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