like a guillotined cerberus
a whisp of helen
or the arms of hector
your two vacant lambskins
you stepped right out of them
the impression of your two feet lay still beside me
toes directed outward
they are laughing and
are engaged in impatient conversation
i am pacing
they scare me into thinking
with a breath of life they could walk
with crushed heels they will pick up
with crushed heels walk a world away
and print all over a newly painted floor
28 Mar 07
Rated 6 (8.7) by 1 users.
Inactive (2): 6, 10, 10
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"Cerberus" truly stands out and does not fit within the context, mood or language of this poem.
hell conquering, beauty, strength.
...and why do you quotationize cerberus?
and it must be some poem if you are immediately an expert on the context, mood and language of MY poem.
but i guess you've now made it yours. thanks.
Sorry, hank, I was under the impression that this was a poetry critique site and that by posting you meant to seek some constructive criticism. Silly me.
i would love some destructive criticism. amazingly, you don't even have to pay for it these days.
please tell me more about this poem.
oh, and by the way, i never post in the effort to seek constructive criticism. i post to keep limber.
if i want 'cc' i'd become catholic or something. (maybe that's why i frequent the pub).
i like the use of impression.
should it be impressions?
wonderful lack of punctuation
I love this pome but
do slippers have heels?
most slippers simply get crushed, flattened in time--
poor little creatures
like mute puppies
but just as playful
when they inhabit feet
my slippers have heels so do my feet
even my hands, with which i might heal
my heel of a lover after i hit her
him them err,
truly they heal
Punctuation is vital. Please add some to help the reader.
Lie still, line 7, not lay.
Line 12 - you might need to add "that" before with - thinking that with a breath."
crushed heels they will pick up with crushed heels? What?