At night when every one's a bed
(Got to stay steady, clear heads
for a bread winning tomorrow,
starting after Ready Brek) I sneak
to the outside toilet for a leak
and from the shelf behind the seat,
underneath the signed photo
of Diana Dors glory and the metal wire
holding neatly scissored squares,
carefully cut from the News of The World,
lies my pet python in his lair,
who I have trained to fly by night.
At sight of my stare he slithers
into the back yard, bares his fangs
as I sit astride his rattlesnake skin,
then bangs into the bin, says three Hail Mary’s
for his reptilian sins, and hey presto
off we go, up and away, to places
far beyond the fabric of dreams.
“It seems you’re well today.” states I,
knowing flattery as well as hypnotic eyes
are all if you wish for a serpent’s kiss.
“ I had a hissy fit when your granddad came out for a shit
but it soon passed when I took a bite out of his ass
he replied. “Where we off tonight you old bastard?”
The wind whistled through my toupe
shooting up my cocaine stained nose,
as we looked down through the dark
at the park and municipal bowling green
with the dog poo glued to it’s immaculate grassy sheen..
“To Uranus !” I cried and swoosh at the speed of light
we arrive, but it’s darker and duller than Planet Earth,
even though it was the place of my birth, in an alien spaceship
from the Gangrene Galaxy. So off we shot back home,
at maximum speed, he to the bogs and me to the land of nod.
“Where you been?” murmurs the light of my life.
“Uranus.” says I, stroking her beautiful behind.