|because someone asked me to write this.
in six months
i have only known you
through the still-frame images
of a silhouette in the distance
yet i see you now
and smeared smudges
of sibilant motion;
in remembrances that have purpose,
i have been missing pieces
and through my own listless resonance
begun to discover the effervescence
of a girl who
(even in passing)
could elicit a smile
and make miracles
29 Mar 07
Rated 8 (8.7) by 1 users.
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title is pretty lol.
nice poem, midare
[oh, this is a guess... and midare has already posted a comment... mmm...]
the closing two lines are a killer, man...
i might want to suggest getting rid of 'simply'... maybe i will, in the morning.
line 21 makes the mood so much better for the last strophe.
now, let's see if i'm right about who wrote this...
I love the language in this piece; the word choice is spectacular. My favorite is "effervescence." However, some of the words and images were redundant in some stanzas. Stanza one: you say the subject is "imageless" through still-frame "images." I have trouble piecing those two together; maybe changing one of those to a different word? "...smeared smudges" in the second stanza also don't sit well with me. Other than that, the piece is great!
thanks you two. good eyes. i changed it around a bit.
i like how each stanza is slightly incomplete, as it moves to the next one ...
The first stanza definitely flows better now. Beautiful work, midare.
very nice poem,
I like this.
Just waking up so I will come back later for another read.
Hope all is well with you.
No nits with this. Love the first and last strophes.
This is beautiful.
thank you, everyone.
random 1's are cool.
wow very nice. beautifully written. i agree with your previous comment, very lovely title.
fluff mostly but not bad
for what it is
nice lkarst verse but the reat , work on it
Such a beautiful lies! Yeah, people are only amazing when you do not know them. That’s why I'm a recluse and spend enough time on the internet to get brain tumors.
But I do agree that there are miraculous, and worthy people...but they don't sparkle forever.
I like your poem enough to rant to you!