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untitled dated nov252001- a six year sleep

the raindrops trapped in
the squares of a screen
look to me
like a silver gelatin mondrian
i summon my breath and blow through them
like a hurricane busting through panes of glass

29 Mar 07

Rated 9 (9.2) by 2 users.
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Beautiful piece!! I love everything. Though I don't understand how the title fits in.
 — BrideInBlack

found it in my book. had no title. but it had a date.
 — hank

So it's a found poem? Or is it a piece you wrote long ago and just dated instead of naming it?
 — BrideInBlack

no, i have a problem with lying. if it were a found poem i would title it so. see 'found words- tobago' or 'killing bat'. the second part of your question is the right one. just some writing in a book with a date.
which generally i never do. my posted poems on this website are a stream of consciousness. this poem and 'cowskins on sheepskins' are the only insertions. (written at a previous time) i guess they are anachronisms.
 — hank

That's cool. My poems so far have been insertions, and I intend for all of them to be that way. I'm too much of a self-critic to trust myself to write a stream-of-consciousness worthy of being read by others.
 — BrideInBlack

i guess i'm arrogant.
or stupid.
 — hank

No, just confident. Or free.
 — BrideInBlack

Or good enough to where your stream of consciousness is worthy of being read. :-)
 — BrideInBlack

thanks. good night.
 — hank

amazing imagery and detail. i love when raindrops do that. 9
 — infinity

i like this!  i never saw it.
so quiet.
"summon my breath" is a little too poemy for me.
but you should probably preserve it as found because this presentation works nice (found it in a book).
 — gnormal

agreed. wish i could write like this.
: )
 — fractalcore

i'm not a huge fan of similes - but raindrops like a silver gelatin mondrian works for me :)
 — Mongrol

Love it. Not many people can put that much imagery into a short poem.

I think you might enjoy some of William Carlos Williams' short poetry.

 — stackpop

thanks i'll look'm up.
 — hank

here is a little crystal with many reflections -- when a Poet can capture Nature with a few skilfully rendered words he can create many a masterpiece --  child like in its view with Zeus the Thunder God blowing hurricanes through Window panes -- l1 the first 'the' is it necessary?
 — AlchemiA

maybe not. i overuse 'the' and 'and'.
i like the way this one looks.
 — hank