|Son Hit In School Corridoor.
It was dark at the heart of a dim corridor
when you struck me down. Actually it was my son you hit,
but like father like son, I felt the blow as it slowed me to a stop,
taking the sail from my solar plexus, throttling my oesophagus.
You hit my boy so hard that I fell like a tree, logs sawn off,
branches tossed to the breeze. Yet your blow confirmed love
that has swelled into such fruit, deeper than raging seas or an ocean,
as I came alive in his life and raising up embraced both myself and him;
my ingenuously grinning lovely boy who self regarding, gazed upon
his swollen lip and purpling eye, and lamented
how it made him seem unhip.
7 Apr 07
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Awesome, I'm not very good at poetry, but I've been going through alot of theese poems and I really like this one. It stands out as not overdramatic, and has a real emotion to it. People, its best to write about things you actually feel strongly about, things just turn out better that way. This is a good example of one. Good message, alittle unclear, like I had to read through it twice, but overall, impressive.
nice work. another great poem, man. you've done it well.
i really like the end of line two and the beginning of line three. that is my favorite part in here.
There are many people in the world who are inarticulate and carrying a lot of anger. My son was in the wrong place at the wrong time .
Sometimes boys will be boys and it isn't very pleasant.
You're a gooey centre inside a chocolate, I've decided. I like the first two lines best, and line five too.
Larry just call me sentimental Lark
My word larry, you're on a roll tonight. This is so different from the other one I commented on just now but I like it as well. It has strong emotion on it that is conveyed well through the images you paint with your words.
I do so like rolling as it induces in me that faintly dizzy state that momentarily frees me from these earthly chains
Thanks for the comments
Larry just rolling along Lark
?? angrychick not starr!
I'm so terribly sorry for my mistake which is understandable up to a point, as I always see you as a star.
Larry can't smooth talk his way out of this one even with a thousand apologies Lark
PS I sincerely hope you can forgive my inexcusable error
ha ha flattery will get you everywhere larry silver tongued lark.
this really struck a chord in me; i'm not a mother, but i have six younger siblings and one of them is mercilessly teased. you described the emotions of watching him come home bruised and crestfallen beautifully.
and your son's reaction was adorable.