poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Death sentence for an angel

Three weeks old,
snug in your cushioned room,
nourished well, safe and protected;
you give meaning to innocence.
Your unblemished soul is barely connected.
Almost invisible to the human eye;
you await birth with anticipation
like a crocus teases the first day of spring.
Your fragile beauty isn't safe.
No laws protect angels in the womb.
Your mother is making a sacrifice
for freedom, her cost is you.
Execution scheduled two weeks from today.
Not my life or my decision. I support her
with well chosen words but my soul screams.
I'm so sorry baby, I wanted us to meet.

26 Apr 07

Rated 9 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 10
Inactive (10): 1, 1, 2, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(11 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


http://www.deviantart.c om/deviation/22661479/?qo=90&q=by%3Alazymuffin&qh=sort%3Atime+-in %3Ascraps
 — unknown

This is powerfully done and makes a big impact. It is a terrible thing that the world we a forced to live in thrusts us into terrible moral and spiritual dilemmas. I like the way you pointed up the pain without moralising.
 — larrylark

Thank you so much larrylark, it's all happening on 16th and I m devastated. The girl would be a good mum but says she can't survive on little money with a baby. She's really sick too. What can I do but support her?
 — angrychick

Oh wow, this made me tear up. Very powerful. The third paragraph really got me.
Well done.
 — heat-her

Thanks heat-her
 — angrychick

I love the painful, raw, true-life, true-human
honesty in the emotion of your poetry.  
You have certainly gripped a very wide, loving audience.  
very well done, keep it up,
you are amazing.
 — jenakajoffer

This is powerful.
I was drawn to this poem by its title
and never expected something like this.
PLeasantly surprised by the poem
Shocked and jolted by the idea in this piece.
One correction though : L 4 - remove "the"
And if you could rephrase line 13 :
'Execution due from two weeks today' ????

 — trochee

Hi Jen, thanks for commenting.
Hi Trochee. Thanks for your comment. Removed "the" keepingL13 the way it is though as her abortion was booked two weeks from the day I posted this.
 — angrychick

Line 12 - might be better as something like "payment is you." Or "the cost is you."

Is this the father speaking?  A friend?  What a brutal thing to have to stand aside and grieve for a life that should have been.  

Well constructed, heartbreakingly apt.
 — Isabelle5

Thanks Isabelle. I am a friend. Found it was twins couple of days beforehand but it only made her more determined. Thank for understanding. Changed L12, thanks for suggestion.
 — angrychick

sadgranny to sadchick.  life is filled with the worst and most heart-rending choices!
 — Isabelle5

This poem I missed somehow in my studies here.  It's not only a "10," but it's also a favorite.  It's real, it's raw and it's potent.  Thanks for all that, A.C.  Love, Starr
 — starr

the victorians would have saved the preaching for church and only talked, here, of the angelic quality and what the child might expect in heaven. that made their poems sentimental but sometimes readable as poetry.
 — joey

"like a crocus teases the first day of spring." I particularly liked that image in my mind.

As your poem continued, I realized the end result looked very unhappy.

"I'm so sorry baby, I wanted us to meet."
This line tugged at my heart the most.

Well-written in my opinion. I would never want to have that sort of decision on my hands. I wouldn't be able to bear it.
 — ES

wow, thank u all for your comments. Not been around here for ages and now I am glad I am back.
 — angrychick

You have such great emotion and empathy in your poems. I love the title. The ending makes me sad and feel your pain..
 — Amaranth

So sad, so powerful--so damn good.
 — PaulS

an abortion is certainly a sad circumstance, and this is a heartfelt poem, but it's just pushing the old anti-choice mantra at the reader...

humanizing the fetus when the mother is the one facing a trying human problem...

support the right to choose :)
 — unknown

unknown, I did support the right to choose, I didn't push this poem at her, she is a close friend of mine and if you read Line14-15 you would see that she got my support. This poem was about how I felt. It's a matter of opinion whether the fetus is human or not but I am not getting into that debate here. In no place in this poem do I state the fetus is human anyway, that's your perception of it. Your comment is just an opinion on the subject not a crit on the poem.
 — angrychick

Thanks PaulS and Amaranth
 — angrychick