|on following a mud wasp
she was the most beautiful escort
flickering ochre onion skin paper
against indigo back
why should i not
follow her journey through my garden
so i was late to respond
to my responsibilities
but i remember her
12 May 07
Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Inactive (1): 10, 10
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this is lovely
It evokes pretty imagery, it's very sweet.
a few suggestions :
line 4- i would take out the "so"
line 8- reprimanded not repromanded. even so, I don't know if the word works here, it throws me off a little bit.
i agree adiscodancer. late addition. thanks for the input.
oh my gosh.
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