poetry critical

online poetry workshop



from one to the other
hank

14.  travelling at a high rate of speed
 1
over a glossy glassy land
 2
locked freshwater lake in my
 3
14 foot glastron skiflight overly propelled
 4
by a 60 horsepower mercury outboard with power trim
 5
the intermittent drizzling rain
 6
drops feel like bee stings to my face
 7
 
 
39. carving mild steel frenetically
 8
on a gray windy overcast rural england day
 9
with my hand cramped onto an oxy acetylene torch
 10
that it is permanently 'on'
 11
the spattering of tiny molten bubbles
 12
on the forearms bee stings
 13
and we enjoy being reminded of the stinging
 14
rain drops
 15

18 May 07


(define the words in this poem)
(447 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

if you put the welder before the sailor
the reader experiences the memory at the same time you do.
(and then you dont need 14-15.)
and then its an open book again to redeal with and a nice one.
 — unknown

you need a comma after forearms.
i read this wrong at first.
i would also use another word for 'stinging' in L14 as have it in L13 and L7.
and L2, not sure about 'glossy glassy' -i would drop one or the other.

nice imagery. :)
 — mandolyn

0.248s