poetry critical

online poetry workshop

thanksgiving dinner with my girlfriend's family

uncle from south carolina stood up.
gave an update on the uncle from virginia
with cancer on his spine.
was in a hospital in new york getting a biopsy.
the grandfather in a wheelchair went back to his bedroom.
we went around the table
each saying something positive about the uncle.
then we prayed.
i held my girlfriend's hand
under the table.
she had ovarian cancer.
was receiving treatments at the u of i hospital.
the family didn't know about it.
she didn't want them to worry.
i wrote some poems where she died.
but she didn't.
i left her though.
like all good things
in my life.

27 May 07

Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9, 9
Inactive (10): 1, 3, 5, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(6 users consider this poem a favorite)

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wow, honest, cutthroat. took some guts to say that.
 — unknown

wow...this is very admirable.
 — 1994

...i'm sorry.
 — midare

94, unk, midare,

thanks for reading.

 — unknown

I don't know what to say.
good poem,
an ending, lonely yet
very effective.
 — jenakajoffer


thanks for reading.

 — unknown

the last 2 lines are really sad. a very gd work.
 — miss_minx

Really sharply observed slice of the painful side of life.

Larry lifes a bitch Lark
 — larrylark

'where she died.'  Seems an odd choice of words. More of a story than a poem.
 — unknown

please reconsider 'where she died.' i loved this though.
 — OKcomputer

'i wrote some poems about her death.' perhaps. something.

lead the reader to think she did. that's how the rest gets its kick.
 — OKcomputer

also, maybe stop the poem at line 17.
 — OKcomputer

This is good, but quit writing poetry. It won't save you from the fiery depths of hell. Repent! The end of the world is near. 8/10
 — Henry

incredible incredible incredible. sorry i have nothing constructive to say- just know that this simply blew me away.
 — lanezfairy

Too bad honesty is the best policy, but in poetry it can also be rather boring.
 — unknown

Find a better way to say l18-19 and end with line 17.
 — xixtas

man oh man, bad luck, and then more
sorry no fave, really so sorry.
 — unknown