poetry critical

online poetry workshop



thanksgiving dinner with my girlfriend's family
unknown

uncle from south carolina stood up.
 1
gave an update on the uncle from virginia
 2
with cancer on his spine.
 3
was in a hospital in new york getting a biopsy.
 4
the grandfather in a wheelchair went back to his bedroom.
 5
we went around the table
 6
each saying something positive about the uncle.
 7
then we prayed.
 8
i held my girlfriend's hand
 9
under the table.
 10
she had ovarian cancer.
 11
was receiving treatments at the u of i hospital.
 12
the family didn't know about it.
 13
she didn't want them to worry.
 14
i wrote some poems where she died.
 15
but she didn't.
 16
i left her though.
 17
like all good things
 18
in my life.
 19

27 May 07

Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (10): 1, 3, 5, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(6 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

wow, honest, cutthroat. took some guts to say that.
 — unknown

wow...this is very admirable.
 — 1994

...i'm sorry.
 — midare

94, unk, midare,

thanks for reading.

justin.
 — unknown

I don't know what to say.
good poem,
an ending, lonely yet
very effective.
jen-
 — jenakajoffer

jen,

thanks for reading.

justin.
 — unknown

the last 2 lines are really sad. a very gd work.
 — miss_minx

Really sharply observed slice of the painful side of life.

Larry lifes a bitch Lark
 — larrylark

'where she died.'  Seems an odd choice of words. More of a story than a poem.
 — unknown

please reconsider 'where she died.' i loved this though.
 — OKcomputer

'i wrote some poems about her death.' perhaps. something.

lead the reader to think she did. that's how the rest gets its kick.
 — OKcomputer

also, maybe stop the poem at line 17.
 — OKcomputer

This is good, but quit writing poetry. It won't save you from the fiery depths of hell. Repent! The end of the world is near. 8/10
 — Henry

incredible incredible incredible. sorry i have nothing constructive to say- just know that this simply blew me away.
 — lanezfairy

Too bad honesty is the best policy, but in poetry it can also be rather boring.
 — unknown

Find a better way to say l18-19 and end with line 17.
 — xixtas

man oh man, bad luck, and then more
sorry no fave, really so sorry.
 — unknown

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