different from your others, but of course good.
i don't like suggesting whenever a poem doesn't really need it, but personally i would like to see this title trimmed just slightly, being a nice opening to a poem that i see taking a more vertical shape; is it, that, perhaps the title is too linear while the poem we know can go deeper down into its full potential?
still very poignant, a poem really shouldn't be under the suggestion of being longer, as long as it delivers something, and has that feeling of being over.
i would just like to see a little more, because i know you possess the capability.
that's all. still pretty deep.
i was wondering, i hope you have never been under the thought, that when you see a poem has been commented on by at least one person, you think, the comment will be by someone different, other than that annoying listen.
and then, what do you find? another comment by that stalker-thing in the woods of Larry's domain ...
i don't understand why people haven't commented on this one. you deserve more than that.
only one nit, 'given back' and 'restored' are too close by i felt... and the comma before 'restored' does not give enough space... perhaps you could consider a semi?
I like the idea of inhaling 'given back air' even though I'm not sure if my interpretation is quite right. I also like the change from 'story' which was flogging the internal rhyme a bit , to 'fable' which has more resonance in this context. I might also consider 'although' instead of 'even though' - but style, grace and cohesion enough to grace the album.
My Beatle sickness is an addiction for which there is no known cure.
larry parlaphone lark
Thanks for the advice my friend.
Larry eager to learn lark
always a relief to read a beatles poem by larry lark. the real question is: can you name all the people on the album cover? or even half? now that's a poem to write.
1 Sri Yukteswar Giri (guru)
2 Aleister Crowley (dabbler in sex, drugs and magic)
3 Mae West (actress)
4 Lenny Bruce (comic)
5 Karlheinz Stockhausen (composer)
6 W. C. (William Claude) Fields (comic)
7 Carl Gustav Jung (psychologist)
8 Edgar Allen Poe (writer)
9 Fred Astaire (actor)
10 Richard Merkin (artist)
11 The Varga Girl (by artist Alberto Vargas)
12 Leo Gorcey (actor) *
13 Huntz Hall (actor, with Leo Gorcey, one of the Bowery Boys)
14 Simon Rodia (creator of Watts Towers)
15 Bob Dylan (musician)
16 Aubrey Beardsley (illustrator)
17 Sir Robert Peel
18 Aldus Huxley (writer)
19 Dylan Thomas (poet)
20 Terry Southern (writer)
21 Randy Nauert (surfer/musician)
22 Tony Curtis (actor)
23 Wallace Berman (actor)
24 Tommy Handley (comic)
25 Marilyn Monroe (actress)
26 William Burroughs (writer)
27 Sri Mahavatara Babaji (guru)
28 Stan Laurel (comic)
29 Richard Lindner (artist)
30 Oliver Hardy (comic)
31 Karl Marx (philosopher/socialist)
32 H. G. (Herbert George) Wells (writer)
33 Sri Paramahansa Yagananda (guru)
34 Anonymous (was hairdressers’ dummy)
35 Stuart Sutcliffe (artist/former Beatle)
36 Anonymous (was hairdressers’ dummy
37 Max Miller (comic)
38 The Petty Girl (by artist George Petty)
39 Marlon Brando (actor)
40 Tom Mix (actor)
41 Oscar Wilde (writer)
42 Tyrone Power (actor)
43 Larry Bell (artist)
44 Dr. David Livingston (missionary/explorer)
45 Johnny Weismuller (swimmer/actor)
46 Stephen Crane (writer)
47 Issy Bonn (comic)
48 George Bernard Shaw (writer)
49 H. C. (Horace Clifford) Westermann (sculptor)
50 Albert Stubbins (soccer player
51 Sri Lahiri Mahasaya (guru)
52 Lewis Carroll (writer)
53 T. E. (Thomas Edward) Lawrence (soldier, a/k/a/ Lawrence of Arabia)
54 Sonny Liston (boxer)
55 The Petty Girl (by artist George Petty)
56 Wax model of George Harrison
57 Wax model of John Lennon
58 Shirley Temple (child actress)
59 Wax model of Ringo Starr
60 Wax model of Paul McCartney
61 Albert Einstein (physicist)
62 John Lennon, holding a French horn
63 Ringo Starr, holding a trumpet
64 Paul McCartney, holding a cor anglais
65 George Harrison, holding a flute
66 Bobby Breen (singer)
67 Marlene Dietrich (actress)
68 Mohandas Karamchand Ghandi (Indian leader) #
69 Legionnaire from the Order of the Buffalos
70 Diana Dors (actress)
71 Shirley Temple (child actress)
72 Cloth grandmother-figure by Jann Haworth
73 Cloth figure of Shirley Temple (child actress) by Jann Haworth
74 Mexican candlestick
75 Television set
76 Stone figure of girl
77 Stone figure
78 Statue from John Lennon’s house §
80 Four-armed Indian doll
81 Drum-skin, designed by Joe Ephgrave
82 Hookah (water tobacco-pipe)
83 Velvet snake
84 Japanese stone figure
85 Stone figure of Snow White
86 Garden gnome
88 Elvis (rock star reincarnated)
glad to be of service through my darling wife.
Larry serviced rendered lark
PS the poem comes later
This comment has been suspended by a moderator.
How many times must people be told the Blossom Toes " We are ever so clean" 1967 was better than the Beatles Sgt Popper
I am going to give Blossom Toes a hearing some time this week
Larry fixing a hole Lark