poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Totally Lost It.

Last night threw blue suede shoe out front door.
Pulled rug from under  big black bug,
Nailed it flailing to the laminated floor.
Swatted one fat fly with my Freddie Flintoff cricket bat.
After that, set fire to coconut matting in porch,
Went up like a torch
Along with linseed oil, bails and stumps.
Jerked phone off wall, left huge hole,
Plaster in lumps.
Wiped ass on Madras brown drapes,
Pissed all over living room floor
Swam through the lake.
Left fake message for the wife,
Macdonald vouchered my kids for life.
Ran out through rhododendron bushes and hid
Blasted passing motorist through his midriff.
Drove straight over top of nearest cliff.
Lifted by some mysterious cyber force.
Landed in the gorse bush at bottom of rock garden.
Sneaked back inside placed luminous socks inside my money box
Collapsed on leatherette settee, started to snore.
Worm crawled back inside rotting apple core.

24 Jun 07

Rated 9 (9) by 4 users.
Active (4): 10
Inactive (2): 6, 8, 8, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(939 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Hi larry

this is a really funny poem I liked the 5th and 6th line it made me look to seen if my pants were on fire.

Go to blazes
 — Leanan

nice poem. really nice.
 — hank

L4 seems you should have wacked a cricket with that bat.
 — unknown

where is paris hilton in this? even your subconscious cant ignore PH
 — unknown

Hmm... this just seems like a laundry list.  You tell me so much, but it's like stuff to pick up from the store... all there in an itemized fashion.
what makes it art?  what makes it a story?  what makes the poem?
what does it say/do/mean?  Perhaps going thru and taking the CAPitalization off of every line would be a good place to start.  That's letting Microsoft Word be your editor==you should know better than that.
 — aforbing

Dear Absorbing

I agree with pretty much most of what you say about this poem. It is a pot boiler written from memory without any inspiration but when you can't be arsed it sometimes has to be that way and then the cobwebs get blown away and the way forward becomes clearer.

Larry shit poet Lark
 — larrylark

hey larry, you once made a comment about how you love to read 'old man', well, if that is the case (and i hope it is)

you've returned the favor.
fuckin hell mate, beautiful. thanks.

 — hank

one little thing, (there is a lot of white space between the words and the numbers so if i get it wrong fuck off) but, the 'the' in line twelve i think could be taken out. 'swam through lake' works ok. seems more in tune with the language of the poem. sorry, i hate doing this, but ah, fuckit.

yeah, should be 'swam through lake'. or swan thorough lake?
 — hank

and hey AFORBING! you stupid ass. don't know good stuff when you see it. or is your face turning so green that the gardener repotted you?
 — hank

Your natural anarchy is desire for freedom is kept in check by the mundane and routine Larry O'Lark.

Some great observations and social comments in here - Macdonald vouchered my kids for life - great stuff.

We should go out, get drunk and wake up under a bush in your garden sometime.

 — Mongrol

dear larry it is a real pleasure to read this over and over and over and over
 — stout

you've lost nothing here, Larry. great job. because if this happened in real life it would be funny when i suppose it wasn't meant to be.
 — listen

Well, shoot... it's still got CAPS at the beginning of each line.
larry--I've taught you nothing, my pupil.
Ahh... such is life.
Oh and now Hank is bitching at me.
Oh well, Hank is still hot, so I guess he can bitch all he wants.  Isn't that right?  When the person is of relative attractiveness, they can REALLY lay down some shit that another person would NEVER dream of getting away with.  You know this to be true, don't you??  Can I get an "Amen"??
 — aforbing

Dear Aforbing

I could argue with your irrefutable logic but how can I dispute what is true, except for the caps, which where completely out of my control.

Larry cap in hand Lark
 — larrylark

what a write larry. fucking awesome.
 — varun

Dear Unknown

thanks for the handy tip regarding lifew in the insect world.

Larry Jimmeny Lark
 — larrylark

Hi Hank

you don't seem to sure

Larry old man Lark
 — larrylark

Dear pelican

I know. Its as thick as the day is as long as the one when all the pelicans having shagged themselves silly return to the suburbs from the breeding grounds and face their pelicanesess who have stayed at home having sexual intercourse with buzzards and vultures.

Larry bird man Lark

PS Squawk Squawk
 — larrylark

I agree Hank.

I say lets fuck it. But what will we fuck?

Larry fuck Lark
 — larrylark

a men, still laughing.
 — hank

Hi hank

Without laughter where would we be?

Larry misery guts lark
 — larrylark

nice to revisit. wasn't random. looked it up. wanted the laugh. thanks larry.
 — hank

Hiya Hank

I had those pesky biro stains everywhere after writing this one.

Larry inky darkness Lark
 — larrylark

can't wait for the movie version...
 — poetbill

My great-grandfather's church burned down due to linseed oil...I was -52 years old.

Good poem.
 — mindbodysoul

And did you enjoy your night in jail?  Surely the neighbors called the cops!

Funny and I was exhausted by the end!  
 — Isabelle5

Love this!
 — wordwabbit

Recent Best (expand)