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Existentialist In God's Garden
larrylark

I move towards the highest point.
 1
see distant hikers joined to long horizons;
 2
sheep are spots of white.
 3
Swallows dart through slow creeping shadows
 4
cast by consecutive clouds, while stalks of tall grass
 5
bend together to send waves falling over hills
 6
that lie fallow. A whole world spread
 7
on one hillside. I swear
 8
I was moved by something greater
 9
than I could command.
 10
Have I been mistaken?
 11
For a moment I watched,
 12
balanced between, but then
 13
my horizon cleared.
 14

30 Jul 07

Rated 9.5 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (2): 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(669 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Beautiful.
 — unknown

Unknown said it best. I wish I knew where you were. Fallow made me think north country of England, so now I must know....

Oh I love "consecutive clouds"
 — Trish77

Hi Unknown

thanks for reading. This poem is based on a true story but God's name has been changed to protect the innocent.

Larry illusions of life Lark
 — larrylark

Hi Trish

I wrote this poem while high in the fells behind Chorley Lancashire close to The Black Dog Pub and in front of Winter Hilland it is based on the scene I viewed directly in front of me. I live in the city of Preston, a small minded  and unimaginative place some say, but to me It holds the wondrous treasures of my childhood that keep coming through to me in flashes.

Larry behind the curtain Lark
 — larrylark

i saw this on the recent best and thought, what a great idea. and read and thought, why haven't i read this yet, it is a brilliant little poem,?

and then i saw it was Larry. it explained things.

nice work. i am sorry for such a delayed comment.
 — listen

Beautiful, yes, but that killer ending!
 — erato

Now that I've read this poem for the fifth time I have to change my rating to 10.
 — erato

This comment is directed to the content of lines nine and ten. If an artist is still the manure upon which his art is able to grow, he or she is still not able to fully claim responsibility for his or her actions and has thus not yet seen the horizon from any high point.  
 — Fox

Hi Listen,

Thanks for the supportive comment, as always.

Larry grateful Lark
 — larrylark

Hi erato

Surrounded by superstition and myth sometimes you have to speak out for what is real

Larry beyond spirits Lark
 — larrylark

Hi Fox,

I have lived myself into a position where I see a godless Universe, and whatever or wherever that is in relationship to the horizon is where I take my existential stand.

Larry legal alien Lark
 — larrylark

You know, it is quite alright to be an existentialist and a believer. As you probably already know, Christianity is where existentialism got its start.
As to your poem, I like the tone, very tranquil. I can even hear the wind through the tall grass and the bells on the necks of the sheep. Do they still do that? Well, in my mind they do. The poem is heavy on the solitude and light on the lonliness, as the experience of the poet/narrator is a sublime one.
The title presupposes a belief in God, but the last three lines suggest an ambiguity, was this intentional?
There is a mark of punctuation between line one and two which looks like a full stop, if so, you might want to consider removing it or demoting it. I would say the same for the semicolon at line two.
I like your choice of verbs. "Dart" contrasted with "creeping," and "bend" with "falling" just before the ejambment in line seven suggest a vulnerability in rigidity. "Lie fallow," the fact that your line break emphasizes this phrase is very suggestive of someone in a great deal of inner turmoil, but also open to the possibility of faith as fallow fields are ripe for planting.
I like this poem.
On a different tack, in case you haven't already done so, see Kierkegaard's _Fear and Trembling_, it might open up something for you. I don't claim to be a believer myself, but I definitely know the turmoil that is the uncertainty of feeling for a life of faith and thinking for a life free from old chains.
 — blee73

Thanks Blee

Thisis a great crit for me with so much to ponder.

Larry screwedhead Lark
 — larrylark

this is wonderful, sounds like a John Constable painting
 — unknown

Hi unknown,

I'm a Turner man myself but i'll take Constable as well.

Larry
 — larrylark

Much better than being a field mouse, in my opinion.

:)
 — thirdeyris

can 'long horizons' be 'vast horizons' or something?
this is excellent, I love L5 and 6, particularly 6.

I hope you get foot jam
-
 — DeformedLion

Hi DL

I love strawberry jam but i never had foot jam

Larry traffic jam Lark
 — larrylark

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