poetry critical

online poetry workshop



No One Home.
larrylark

“Where’s your dad lad?”
 1
 
 
“In the back room led on settee,
 2
heating up some popcorn while he’s staring out to sea.”
 3
 
 
“Here last night was he son?
 4
Get the tide of my current drift.
 5
Nothing to hide? We’ll see about it.
 6
 
 
“Can’t even remember what he looks like?
 7
Old, bald, with a sniffling cold I think.”
 8
 
 
“Don’t hold back kid, don’t want lies.
 9
We know what he did and you’re protecting him.
 10
You can try and keep it hid, but I can spot a liar
 11
Even on a bad night. Remember son,
 12
You’re not dealing with Santa Claus (pregnant pause)
 13
I’ve a nose for it, this don’t smell right,
 14
And I can wait.”
 15
 
 
(Silent interlude.)
 16
 
 
“Now see here,
 17
How does he get the popcorn?”
 18
 
 
“From The Hot Poppin’ Corncob Co.
 19
every other day, though sometimes their late.
 20
Plus half a pound of tuppenny rice see,
 21
And a tin of treacle, with one stoned crow
 22
Thats the way the money goes,
 23
For cash on delivery.
 24
 
 
“Weasel words son.
 25
Where’s your mother?
 26
As if I didn’t know.”
 27
 
 
“She left to live in the garden shed,
 28
Thirteen years ago with my sisters and brother”.
 29
 
 
“You’re under arrest lad,
 30
for neglecting your poor old dad
 31
and will appear before the juvenile court
 32
to hear testimony, three years next Friday.
 33
My advice, for what its worth,
 34
plead insanity from the moment of birth,
 35
gets the sympathy vote.
 36
The whole world’s mad lad,
 37
but I’m on to ‘em and I don’t miss a trick.
 38
Your in a fix see.
 39
Pick up your coat and come with me”.
 40

17 Aug 07

Rated 9 (9.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (2): 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(649 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

noooo , online shopping , get asda to deliver
 — unknown

Personally, I prefer the real deal at a cut price, sale of the century, a done deal, I like the feel my cucumber for real.

Larry fruit and veg Lark
 — larrylark

this is so quirky that i can't really see it as a modern poem. i give it a ten for most likely to be printed in the high school yearbook.
 — joey

Wow! Gosh! thanks fella, Miss Simpkins-quirky poetry teecher at Madhatter High- will be delighted ,and I won't have to bribe her with an apple no more.

Larry Joey Lark
 — larrylark

ASDA doesnt deliver you numpty, anyway Sainbury's is better,
I like this quirky piece of Kafka-esqe nonsense, very good!
 — fashionfad

very good Raymond
 — unknown

How did you know my name was Raymond?

Larry ray of sunshine lark
 — larrylark

I like the speech quality of it, kind of effortlessy rhymes along its merry way. Even the way isn't exactly merry.  
I don't like the 'pregant pause' or 'silent interlude' bit, even though they fit well in the scheme of things they are bit pushy, I don't like being told what to do, even if it is an offhand kind of way. It is kind of condecending, if that makes.

Good poem though.
 — DeformedLion

nice poem larry.
an apostrophe is missing in line 38.

v.
 — unknown

Love lines 4-6 and 28-29, really odd and surprising
 — GWH

0.22s