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guilty sun
hank

this black blanket gets stripped back
 1
and there is the sun
 2
filling every little nook
 3
like a gold water tide
 4
birds wake and sing
 5
even before! and plants
 6
get warm and grow
 7
everything anticipates
 8
one way or another
 9
some wake some scurry bed
 10
tide comes
 11

17 Aug 07

Rated 6 (6) by 2 users.
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Comments:

i like this, except for the ending, which seems rushed to finish. there's a simplicity in thought and rhyme, and a wonderful first image, the blanket of night is the night we know, sleeping through life in bed.

in a way, i think you could end it at: everything anticipates

where, it would be that you have faith that the reader has "gotten it", and shares your vision. again, the ending seems like a "rush to explain", and makes it lose its poetry for me.
 — joey

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