poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Night Patrol
larrylark

Bull sniffed dull tent peg,
 1
toe protrudes. Under canvas,
 2
head of hill bound hiker
 3
rudely snores,
 4
slumbering among dreams
 5
of a shiny compass,
 6
glucose lozenges,
 7
sturdy shoes, torch.
 8
He turns and mumbles.
 9
By dawn he will have moved
 10
through damp uplands
 11
towards the North.
 12
 
 
A tarnished horn lifts a flap.
 13
Wasn’t born last year,
 14
he’s a seer from the year before.
 15
Survived the foot and mouth regime,
 16
breathes clouds of steam
 17
onto Ordinance Survey Map.
 18
Turbulent weather seeps along
 19
its brown contour lines.
 20
He looks up, unimpressed
 21
by the brightening night.
 22
 
 
Next day darkened early,
 23
the hiker looked behind.
 24
Noted with approval
 25
how far he’d climbed.
 26
Cattle scattered like dots
 27
lowed, strolling towards
 28
a light green square,
 29
sitting irrefutably there,
 30
flattened in the centre of
 31
their dew soaked field.
 32
Cows gathered round
 33
to speculate on this portent
 34
of increased milk yields.
 35

13 Sep 07

Rated 7 (7.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 7, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(648 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

wondered why the use of article in line 2 when you did so well articleless in the previous and following lines?

maybe there is a little to much aside action = see line 28 to 32

good camping and tramping in the wild subject though.
 — bettalpha

hey larry. i can never pass up a cow poem.
 — bettalpha

I am also wondering about the mysterious article in line 2. I think that overall, this poem has an uneven use of article and pronouns. I feel like the flow is somewhat interrupted in the last stanza.
Nice idea, though. Good job!
 — Burrito

I love the way this is written. Haven't completely understood yet but rereading will not be a chore. :)
 — unknown

Thanks for the advice bettalpha. I have never been able to resist asides since I saw Sir Laurence Olivier evilly plotting in Richard 111 at the Accrington Odeon.

Larry wots my name Lark
 — larrylark

I can never pass a bull without bursting into a sprint.

Larry best time for 100 metres 17.8 seconds persued by a bull across Farmer Jenkins field. Lark
 — larrylark

Hi Burrito

You are right and I am working on flow.

Larry the trickle Lark
 — larrylark

Hi unknown,

Isn't life chock full of chores

Larry house husband Lark
 — larrylark

0.228s