poetry critical

online poetry workshop



written piece regarding jousting and the reclining member as opposite actions
OKcomputer

turning around- oh hey.
 1
there's your bird, and there's
 2
the birthday cake, and there is a man
 3
with a shuffle gun
 4
sprouting out from his left hand suddenly
 5
of the birdhappy birthday
 6
for a big wolf in big drawers
 7
where his penis peeks through
 8
and it shouts at you,
 9
because all of them shout and
 10
are agressive and jaunting
 11
at eachother always,
 12
jaunting at the bird,
 13
there is a wolf please understand
 14
 
 
of the birthday cake: anyway
 15
the wolf will strip you
 16
and eat at your belly button,
 17
happy birthday for a wolf,
 18
but god damn it we've all done it,
 19
aren't we a sad bunch.
 20
and gun the bird
 21

14 Sep 07

Rated 10 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10, 10
Inactive (7): 2, 2, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(88 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

yes, this is that kind of woven poem hanging on the wall of the norman keep that looks like it's full of beasts and hunters and is really a flower pattern woven in sweden after world war two. it's beat, in so many ways, in the way beat is reactionary and against academy -- it shouts out in a writing way and doesn't expect the words to be anything more than needles threading the string between the author and the lobs -- all them and more. nice and fun, and woke me up into patterns and words and that's kind of one thing poetry does better than anything.
 — joey

hah. 10.
 — jumpoline

hah. shoulda known ok.
 — jumpoline

thank you j's! joey, what words you have plucked from elsewhere for elaborating upon my words, thank you moreso!
 — OKcomputer

also jumpoline, my methods are improving! thank you!
 — OKcomputer

the shouting penis bit is amusing. I like it very much.
Perhaps there is meaning here but I have gotten lost in the mires of my own congreguity, just sticking to the straight and narrow. Perception bent forwards, looking only two ways, seeing only truth or absence. Sense or nonsense. This permeates the soul of madness, or merely strums some discordant chords with strange fingerings, but still I found myself on the outside looking in. Scratching my head and completely dissilusioned.
 — DeformedLion

congreguity? hmmm i think i meant congruity.
 — DeformedLion

Operations guide him. So English an occupation! But when has he advanced? Why has his birthdaypenis extended? Where was my bird? I am a length too long. To swerve tests it. To curl tended us, but offices partially controlled the snakes. Their tube had entered so vile a garage (anode) that we thought it; and what were we reading?
 — unknown

gorgeous
 — onklcrispy

Dont you guys ever want to grow from internet 'fame' to actual writing prowess? Why not evolve...
 — unknown

it might be that the kind of evolved poetry they'd write would still be boy's verse about becoming important and being published. has anyone between the age of 20 and 45 ever written a real poem? the Brontes did, but they were exceptionally talented. possibly this kind of internet and coffeehouse/bar poetry is the best experience -- they get to be challanged and if they read in public they get to hear how the poem sounds as they read it. not many people actually hear their poem as they write it, only being content to say "important things with clever wording".
 — joey

Evolution of a poetess.  I like this a lot, from the title right through.  It's a whole different side of your writing.  Awesome!
 — starr

Oh wow...I just wanted 2 make sure my comments got posted and as I read the others, the key word seems to be "evolution" here.  Very cool.
 — starr

This just seems like total crap to me.
 — unknown

it is not to my tastes either.
 — OKcomputer

clean it up a little bit! swap the title for something a tad shorter, use current tittle as footnote. play with the format a bit, just dont get carried away.

this is like a 64 camaro, only you just picked it up from an auction. you need to fuckin fix'er up!
 — Pat_Smear

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