|Social Worker Visits Dysfunctional Family.
I easily found the house in the dark woods,
by feeling along grooves louvred into the bark
of giant eucalyptus trees.
Mother was trying to tease light out of old birthday candles,
while Grandma fussed, sightless, stitching crochet
through sleight of hand.
The children were searching the surrounding shrine
for their father, who lay face down, supine,
having tripped over the line of wire
which led straight to their confusion.
16 Sep 07
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nice poem larry.
should 'that' be 'which' in line 10?
Thanks for the spot Verun.
changes meaning though... menh...
how are you?
You start off with first person... then you drift off somewhere else. Its like we prepare to go on a journey with you, but there is no real destination.
All we have at the end is some image of the father and his family, I think you need to comeback to us...share and care. Stroke my fragile mind.
There is some nice word usage, I particularly like "grooves louvred", but the technique that could dazzle us with image, instead becomes an illustration from some sort of children book...albeit a dark one.
It only goes half-circle.
You can probably just do something with the 'I" and all your worries would flee in terror.
I'm good Varun, especially on Sunday a.m. when there is nothing to do and a long time to do it in
Larry lazybones Lark
Too much here to wrap round my head on a Sunday morning but will think about your reply during the week.
Larry dead head Lark
Ugh. Props for using "supine" in a pome, though.
sorry. You just can't win 'em all
i remember reading this... i had enjoyed the slantwise topic... see you