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Social Worker Visits Dysfunctional Family.
larrylark

I easily found the house in the dark woods,
 1
by feeling along grooves louvred into the bark
 2
of giant eucalyptus trees.
 3
 
 
Mother was trying to tease light out of old birthday candles,
 4
while Grandma fussed, sightless, stitching crochet
 5
through sleight of hand.
 6
 
 
The children were searching the surrounding shrine
 7
for their father, who lay face down, supine,
 8
having tripped over the line of wire
 9
which led straight to their confusion.
 10

16 Sep 07

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Comments:

nice poem larry.

should 'that' be 'which' in line 10?
 — varun

Thanks for the spot Verun.

Larry
 — larrylark

changes meaning though... menh...

how are you?
 — varun

You start off with first person... then you drift off somewhere else. Its like we prepare to go on a journey with you, but there is no real destination.
All we have at the end is some image of the father and his family, I think you need to comeback to us...share and care. Stroke my fragile mind.
There is some nice word usage, I particularly like "grooves louvred", but the technique that could dazzle us with image, instead becomes an illustration from some sort of children book...albeit a dark one.
It only goes half-circle.

You can probably just do something with the 'I" and all your worries would flee in terror.
 — DeformedLion

I'm good Varun, especially on Sunday a.m. when there is nothing to do and a long time to do it in

Larry lazybones Lark
 — larrylark

Thanks DL

Too much here to wrap round my head on a Sunday morning but will think about your reply during the week.

Larry dead head Lark
 — larrylark

Ugh. Props for using "supine" in a pome, though.
 — wendz

Dear Wrndz

sorry. You just can't win 'em all

Larry
 — larrylark

i remember reading this... i had enjoyed the slantwise topic... see you
 — greenmantle

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