poetry critical

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small talk from swollen mouths

a cigerette burns in slow motion
a solid still frame
that caught the eye of someone in the audience
who like's what they see
when the singer bleeds from the gallows
put it to bed
starry eyed and cupid
an ant on a pin
curled back and sold you a dream
are you sentimental for nothing?
we hardly knew ourselves that day in the city
under the breast feather stirred by a small wind
affection depends on relavance
i'll sell you this thought
something I caught on my tounge
picth black pupils - diluted the cause
when duty leads the fleet to the ocean
they held there breath with a weight on there ankles
do you ever feel erased in a public place?

20 Sep 07

(define the words in this poem)

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The poem has very nice moments: in the swollen mouths, erased in a public space, starry eyed and cupid... 5th stanza is the stongest...  
 — unknown

constructive editing:
L4 no apostrophe
L7 starry-eyed, perhaps?
L18 their not there.

critique in the style of ebay:
A+++ would read again. evokes thought/emotion. nice delivery. maybe too much packaging, but not too concerned.
 — amaviena

It's amazing. Very meaningful lies. YOur thoughts are very clear and great. Thank you for the great post. keep share such an amazing post.You can visit best essay writing service for essay writing services.
 — unknown