| Gentle Head of Summer
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starr
| Softly now, | 1 |
your mouth meets mine. | 2 |
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(Look at it glow.) | 3 |
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We catch it, | 4 |
one kiss | 5 |
at the gentle head of summer. | 6 |
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(Look at them flow,) | 7 |
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lips smoothing | 8 |
with evening curtain's | 9 |
elasticity. | 10 |
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30 Sep 07 |
Rated 9 (8.5) by 9 users.
Active (9): 5, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (3): 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(114 more poems by this author)
(8 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
this is actually more a poem than most of what goes down here. the back flow is charming, the way the mind has to reflect in a very easy sliding way to stay with the thought. nice work. the parched rhyme thing as effective in this as it is unexpected. reading it again. nice work. admirable.
— joey
woah, starr this is you. you're getting pretty good!
— joey
Joey, I'm honored by your compliments. THANKyou, bro! :-)
— starr
Yes. Very good....lets hope it stays that way.
-DL
— unknown
another fine tracing of light words conveying much depth starr
beautifully done :)
— Mongrol
He he.
This is nice.
I'm not sure if you're aware that this love poem can be read an entirely different, 'naughty' way, particularly lines 5 & 6 & even 7.
Lol. I like that: it's duality.
I will now go to Mass.
Nice work.
— Rixes
Wow! I AM truly beside myself, y'all! Amen! To the Unknown and to Mongrol, thank you guyz so much for your kind words and to Rixes, you BEST get yo booty 2 church, boy and get down on yo knees 4 THAT! :-) Peaceout. Starr
— starr
Rixes...you're so funny! I kinda thought of that as I was writing it, but then I said to myself, "Nahhh...no one's gonna think that." I was sooooooo wrong. Heehee. :-) Take care, buddy.
— starr
Hah.
I like to think of myself as "intuitive."
Favorite'd this poem.
— Rixes
You're beautiful, man. I'm glad u like it. Stay up. :-)
Starr
— unknown
yep, i'm seeing the 'naughtiness' rixes' expressed. you're bad in a very good way:)
sam
— unknown
Look at what glow? Look at what flow? Lips smoothing? Evening curtain's elasticity? What are all these diaphanous images supposed to mean? Sure they sound poetic, but they seem to be utter nonsense. 6/10
— Henry
henry, if you can't read poetry you shouldn't comment on it. poetry isn't a story for you to snack on, its a pattern in the carpet for you to discern. that the figure in the pattern may change with your sensibility is private to you and your sensibility, but not a obligation on the part of the writer to you to keep simple. simple is story.
— joey
I need not your advice Joey. Thanks though.
— Henry
Ahmmm...Henry...the answers to your questions are simple. Mouth glows, lips flow, night falls. I wish your shitty comments would too (on another poetry site.) Where there's a high rating on any poem here and praise, when Henry's around, you can count on it being significantly reduced in both rating as well as in critique, but then again, we're talkin' about someone who was killed off the site about a year ago anyway, so this must be his retalliatory reincarnation or some bullshit like that. Or, maybe Henry just needs a little "gentle head" himself? Hmmmm???- And I know you're just waiting at your lonely, miserable and dateless screen right now for my retort, so here it is, Mr. I raised $175.00 for Poetry Critical. Yeah...okay. Continue to overcompensate for your true smallness. It's all a clear sign of who you, the person, really is. Bitter and small. I'm better and I'm bigger.
— unknown
Not only are you better and bigger...you're more humble (as you said before) too!
— Henry
Absolutely beautiful, Starr! Thank you for this lovely piece of poetry. The world needs more men in the world like you who wear their hearts on their sleeves.
— unknown
A random poem from one of the "better writers" on P.C. I love it. It's so summery and beachy-clean. Perfection, you romantic man, you. Guess who?
— unknown
wow, this is still good. my 9 shall remain.
— DeformedLion
I am pretty sure there is music on some where when i read this. very smooth starr
— philoanon
Philoanon, thankyou for the awesome props! I was listening to "Estate (ess-tah-tay)" from Shirley Horn's "Here's to Life" CD. Estate is the Italian word for Summer. Peaceout, buddy.
— starr
This kind of just gets better and better.
Perhaps it depends on my mood. Its a wonderful little piece of writing.
— DeformedLion
Thanks, DeformedLion. You're wonderful too, buddy.
— starr
Capitalize second "look."
— poetbill
this takes me back.
— of_shoes
this is really good.
happy new year, starr.
: )
— fractalcore
Fractalcore, Of_Shoes & PoetBill...Happy New Year and thank you so much for the comments. We got 3' snowbanks here, so the gentle head of summer would be more than welcome at this time. :-) Peaceout.
— starr
...and trash goes 2 trash. watch out 4 the dumped ashtrays and last night's coffee grounds. - starr
— unknown
very beautiful :)
— nisetru
Haiku-like in its simplicity. Very lovely.
— smugzy
seasons are not capitalized ( in the title, yes but in line 6, no).
— unknown
nisetru, smugzy and unknown, thanks for the beautiful comments and for the education about capitalization of seasons. I honestly never knew that. :-) happy new year!
— starr
no idea what this is about.
— unknown
Very Summery and light. You can cap seasons if you want, either way is correct.
— Isabelle5
yep, still in love with this..
— Mongrol
Thanks, Isabelle & Mong. :-)
— starr
mmm what a kiss -- soft and sultry of the season in unhurried pleasure without reason
— AlchemiA
Jerry, thank you! :-)
— starr
A very amateurish poem, it seems to rely heavily on the kiss ass clique for its rating
But that is no concern of mine.
line.9 seems a real dog turd “with evening curtain's” Why curtain’s.
Why not simply. with evening’s elasticity.
False praise is like fool’s gold, a heavy adornment to wear.
— unknown
Ignore Mor ;) - jealousy is a very heavy attire to display ones self in ;)
— Mongrol
Looks like mong the site cheat is back, this is the second time he has been caught out inflating his own ratings, but he is after only a little boy, still rather wet behind the ears...
— unknown
Mor...mwah. Oops, I thought that was your face. I had the wrong end. Sorry.
— starr
You would, being into chocolate sticks, and all that jazz
— unknown
Like I said, "mwah." Oops. Wrong end again.
— starr
Well never mind it is not our problem.sadsy
— unknown
Well never mind it is not our problem.
— unknown
Prove Mong cheats Mor. I've not sene any evidence of it and I'm here everyday.
— unknown
i have no idea why anyone thinks this is great?
honestly someone do explain
what is the creative function of the parenthetical comments? i see no reason as to their value in this
— unknown
Parenthetical comments are gone. Thanks for the hint on that. And I removed "curtain's" as Mor had hinted at too. :-)
— starr
the original was better. the curtains gave material to the metaphor, instead of some vague, banal, amorphous thought.
mor is always wrong. you should know that by now starr.
— unknown
the loss of the parenthetical commments lessens this also.
they were the internal voice of this piece.
— unknown
Back to where it SHOULD be. Thanks! :-) I wanna see it hit #1 now!
— starr
I wanna see a donkey eat a baby.
— DeformedLion
Donkeys don't eat babies. They eat torchiere lamps. :-)
— starr
Donkeys also eat maple cream votives. :-)
— starr
this form is better starr. never compromise your voice nor listen to mor's poor advice.
you done well to keep this as it should be.
— Mongrol
Of course, dirty minded as I am, I always read the title as a different kind of gentle head! I like it the original way. We do get carried away by other's suggestions sometimes, I know.
— Isabelle5
you are so rude Isa!
:D kidding ;)
— Mongrol
Isabelle...you bad mama jamma, u. :-) Mong, thank you, buddy. I appreciate your kindness and attention. Peaceout, you two.
— starr
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