|grave i ty
having no money is hard to it
even though we who have it
though i have none but we get it
do romanticize the idea of it
you can not take it to the grave they say it
it certainly does push people to it
7 Nov 07
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if i and o were not aside eachother on the keyboard i might not question
ty=thank you? tyler?
i like the haze you have created
maybe, "do romanticize" and not "the idea of it", though it keeps the poem off center... but, maybe really only stops the reader cause it looks like childish writing, and this poem really isn't childish... the conceit of each line ending in "it" can be played with at another level... taking out the "it" in the middle so the others have more freedom to be alive.
this is an interesting piece for me, cause you sort of get away with writing retard, subtly fucking our reading by being so "rational", but writing in an irrational way about what isn't even real at all. the "it" thing makes this sound like a strange folk song from some place where they seem to play their music backwards... some of the ancient songs from middle europe, songs older than the wander-invaders, but kept by them as "songs".
in the note above this... "the haze" says very well the feeling of this for me too.
i was thinking about how people in the rich, western world romanticize the notion of 'give it away'. boyo, if they only really knew how hard it was to be pppooorr.
bye the bye, that last comment was toward joey's first line. haven#t even gotton to the rest yet.
yah, i think the money thing you're doing, that that's pretty much right out front and immediately understandable to me. but, the haze thing is the way the words keep me off balance. that's a good thing. check out "in frisco" where i try for that effect but in a different way.
one more ting. what do you think 'ty' means?
and why do you know my name unkown?
but there is a conversation 'in frisco'.
this is not a conversational poem.
in my mind the two are very different.
sometimes i write to me.
sometimes i write amongst me. to someone. or relate a conversation. or occurance.
like grocery girl.
frisco is a conversation (good poem by the way). two antagonists.
like it. but i do put these things in categories.
naw, it's not about the subject -- "ty" of gravity is obvious, and not enough to carry this long a poem. the conversation in "in frisco" is internal dialog, just like yours, but you're porting it out into the readers system as one step away. but it's the same gesture, cause in frisco is about rhymes and words playing on each other to make gravity pointless.
think i actually get that.
your name has been on your profilepage as long as i've been visiting this site
at first i thought it meant tyler
then i paused and questioned it at line 7
it urn ty
it earn ty
b ty x
changes that noone noticed.