poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Boars In The Wood

Conscious of video recorders
and the sands of time,
I took from my quilted suit
an authentic flute,
and while I played in rhyme,
dreamed of the lyre.
The wild boar ran into the glade.
I searched an age in each part
of the dark wood, stood stock still
behind wire and wild privets,
boulders and stones, but could not find their home,
and not one came through the drizzling rain
And now they all arrived, trotters shiny,
bulging eyes, up on their hind legs,
dancing, sublime. Starlight glistened
on their razor tusks, and when
the full moon swam through misty clouds,
they seemed to sing "We have been found,"
before the hunters shot them down

28 Nov 07

Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 4 users.
Active (4): 7, 8, 9
Inactive (2): 6, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(623 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


supposing this were the best poem ever written? how would you explain your craft to us? what moves did you avoid in this one? obviously, you worked others to make this a "poem". was there a point when you felt it getting away from you, and had to change your message to make the wording still sound "poetic"?
 — joey

Dear Joey

as far as you are concerned the answer is obviously yes and in saying that poetry writing is hard and many transformations and throwing into bins have to take place. I have 200 and something poems on here and i wouldn't give a toss for any more than maybe a dozen of those and my judgement on most of that 12 is mostly subjective. I'll leave it to you to separate the tiny grains of wheat from the vast amount of chaff as you seem to love that particular "art" . I'll just keep scraping around for a shiny needle under that pile of chaff that makes up the haystack

Larry because i must lark
 — larrylark

It has a flavour of Where the Wild Things Are; we all know the wild things cannot survive  and this is a wonderful poem.

Joey - why explain one's 'craft' as you so effetely put it?
 — unknown

cause it's the ballsy thing to show and know why your words are there and what you wanted to do. this is a lamer poem, and a good model of failed writing. obvious larry can't talk about how he's written something, he doesn't' really write them as poetry, but an honest author ought to be able to say how he cheated and bent to achieve a certain effect. he's recording impressions and effects. this writing is decorative, but he doesn't have the style of, say, varun, and his writing comes off as dumpster found, collections of cliche' and sound bites arranged into a "kinetic poetry".
 — joey

Hi Verun

I never thought of it that way though Where The Wild Things Are is one of my favourite stories. I do so love Hemingway , he's so butch and he showed he could really illustrate with that book as Joey doesn't. preferring to dress up in hollow sounding words tinged with green and ride all over this site on his bright red tricycle, but I am honoured that he bracketed me with veron.

Larry tire tracks Lark
 — larrylark

HI Joey

I don't show my balls to anyone and i recommend you to do the same, that if they  are worth hiding. Anyhow you have shown time and time again that you specialise in total bollocks dressed up as arty flim flam.

Larry to the point of tedium Lark

 — larrylark

well said larry
 — unknown

how about fixing 'concious'?
 — unknown

 — larrylark

Dear Unknown

It's as I said , especially when people are so transparant

Larry see through Lark
 — larrylark

the point was, that you're using ordinary conversational forms here, when you ought to have found re-wording through your poetic intuition. it so lacks that kind of intuition that your writing reminds me of doper or wino art -- special collections of brand labels and semi-secular smut... "naughty", but off the shelf, to go with whatever... as though you were used to not being paid attention to, and had let yourself go... lost your figure. what are you trying to cash in on with this kind of writing? if it's for fun, then that's that; but, explain that from the first, because some of us are going to try to read your writing as poetry.
 — joey

Dear Joey

Read and remember. This is the last time i will communicate with someone who is loaded with hyperbole and wishes to see it run and run. Good luck pal hope you work it out, and goodbye.
 — larrylark

i was talking to the other poets here, you know. i know your limitations. you probably got some of this, though if you're sober, and maybe feel bitchy and want to tell everyone i'm just a worthless fool. i am, but not yours.
 — joey

I think that having and in line 12, then another and in line 13 is too much for this poem, although I can see why you need to do it.  

I was happily picturing that famous oil of the dancing pigs - then I read the last line.  If you were going for the shock value, you got me!
 — Isabelle5

this doesn't bore in the wood. i love it. very nice format and awesome word choice, with carefully hidden rhyme, a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

if you are changing your style to match what people want you to conform to, please don't. always take criticism of course, but criticism i have not. but i think that the lack of capitalization is such a Lary-oriented technique that i have always enjoyed. you always have that perfect timing with such a technique.

me think that you need to keep The capitalized in the title because it is ever so inclusive as to that unexpected but delightful lack of period. i was wondering, could perhaps your next poem contain the last thought that this poem leaves carried over to the next, as of course not having a period suggests that, perhaps later on could be continued?

i wonder if you could make allusions to that children’s book, however, Where the Wild Things Are. i have heard of this book many times, and am wondering if such a reference could strengthen this poem? i think child’s book allusions are rare, so maybe you could do that and that next poem of yours could include an allusion to a really complicated work, not to yourself of course. maybe to a book like the odyssey or something, something long. war and peace.

oh, lerry. i am never leery of your works, how could that ever be?

 — listen

Hi Isabelle

Nice to hear from you as always. Sorry I gave you a shock. Can't understand it as i am usually such a boar I never seem to shock anyone.

Larry on and on and on Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Listen

It is impossible for me to change my style and if I try I always end up with a mess. Good to hear from you

Larry set in stone Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Wambi

thanks for reading, I had a bowl of boar soup this morning in Del's Cafe but had to send it back because it had a tusk splinter in it.

Larry duck soup Lark
 — larrylark

Is this inspired by the re-introduction of boar to the UK?
I wonder if there are still regions of britain where the boar has not been hunted.  it's interesting when an animal has not developed a fear of people. I am afraid of boars, which is odd, as most species are inherently fearful of mankind, but this animal was my childhood boogeyman; there was a film i shouldn't have watched when i was 6. =-)

It intrigued me that you wrote of the boar.
i like your poem.

I would change "I'd" to just "I" in L8
and 'that' to 'the' in L9

thanks =-)
 — jenakajoffer

Hi jenakajoffer

Thanks for the help. There is actually a wild boar rarm in the Trough of Bowland, an upland region of rare beauty near where we live but i do not need to go that far to seel boars, especially wild ones as my local public house is full of them.

Larry secret king of the boars Lark
 — larrylark