poetry critical

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This Is Not A Poem

This is not a poem
but it plays in the footsteps
of poetry's memory
There are no numbers
here, but yes there is
an alpha numerical codex
but perhaps the beginnings
and the ends are lost
because they never were solid
language orbits around the void
these written texts are broken moons
petroglyphs, thought driven into matter
we search with semiotic smiles
wraped in syntax's arms
our hearts beating with semantic visions
are we looking for the dream's fabric?
its been made by our sleeping hands
which are pale as swans at this dying hour

16 Dec 07

Rated 10 (6) by 1 users.
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barf. ok, "footsteps of poetry's memory"... woof. ok, whatever can this mean? alright, it's a conceit... move to the next line...

one thing adolescents can't drink themself out of is the reality that they're finding and inventing a language for themself, after such parents, and that they need to keep clutching whatever is certain against the attack of so many strange and new people who might want to kidnap them and make them into drug-addict slaves.

stay cool, poem-ator: in ancient rome the slaves wrote really good lyrics. you've got a certain way with sound, as shown in this verse, and once you stop worrying about seeming like a fool you'll probably write with feeling and insight.
 — joey

Could be; "the blood of poetry's memory", but why bother? I am so sorry that the sagity of Olympus in its golden truth only seems like so much dogshit when it lands on the dumb head of us droning drones of pedestrain language. Kisses hugs and damnation dear sir.
 — Highwayman

almost vomited at the last line
 — smcyrone

Please do vomit, you'll drink it later.
 — Highwayman

...and please remember that this after all is not a poem.
 — Highwayman

riding in my car, smoking my cigar. the only time i'm happy's when i play my guitar. wah, wah, ough-a-ough. this wan't a poem too, and its creator had a feeling for speed. it's like you're his love-child off ginger, and you're trying to invent an aristocratic past for yourself, and ancestry which didn't root out of "poor me". better, like all poets, to be what you are.
 — joey

and what are i? Besides not you; are i the star in the devil's keyhole eye, or perhaps rat with songbird wings? Plato would of loved you and loved bouncing you in his lap.
 — Highwayman

but, i wouldn't have liked plato. socrates and i cudda talked though, and tallked about what a flamer plato was, and i could have told him about you, and your tender ways, and how your potery... po-et-try, sorry, reflected your deepest intellect, and how your modesty ignored the fact that i'd given you a ten for this, and that it's not obvious that that's not really what you want. with the ten you'll be able to hang out up in the top best happy writings, with top best happy writers. back to the farm, can those sleepy swanlike hands pet the swans and keep them to water?
 — joey

Well when the fool rolls off the hill it is not always into joey's arms.
 — Highwayman

oof. badly put. try, "when i try to tell the truth to joey, he ignores me and says something stupid." -- isn't that more honest than the scene you're trying to create? for all your comment's enthusiasm it didn't convince me that this was a good poem.
 — joey

uhhh, joey i dont know if youve ever read any plato but the only way we know about socrates is through plato's writings.  the thought of plato and socrates is nearly indistinguishable. plato often used socrates in his later writings as a character in dialectics that revealed philosophical stances. id be interested to know which of socrates stances you endorse that are in opposition to those of plato. nice facade of intelligence though.
 — smcyrone

xenophon's too. and, what a scholar does do is figure out why something has been written and read the author not the author's content. then too, we read lots of comments on comments, but other scholars... plato is as plato does, and your socrates is plato's. how else would you know him; and, only knowing him through some one kind of reading of plato, how could you not avoid saying something smug? "smug" is pretty plato. this piece of yours is pretty too, but it's not poetry. maybe you'd work it better if you wrote it out as a platonic dialog? it's legal to do this, and maybe that would help you sort out the several confused issues in this waiting to become poems?
 — joey

Really joey I can see you snuggling Plato and asking him if that is a scroll of one of Socrates' discourses beneath his tunic.
 — Highwayman

that was the most mindless rant i've ever heard.  and yes, xenophon confirmed much of what plato wrote of socrates, some of his work also is in contrast to plato's.  but our truest and fullest picture of socrates is through the writings of plato, socrates student.  it's unclear to me how else we should get to know what socrates thought.  maybe we should ask a psychic to communicate with him, maybe he's in the world of forms and can talk back.  ahh yes, and 'plato is smug'--such a fine critique of one of the worlds greatest thinkers.
 — smcyrone

"one of the world's greatest", but only second rate compared to a decent poet. "this is not a poem" is the issue, and what i think of as a poem is a very personal thing, and none of aristotle's nor millions of commentators. i'd try'd to suggest a critical approach, one based on what the author is to you personally, since i can never know plato, nor why and for what reason plato wrote. i read the lines, the lines read me.

"are we looking for dream's fabric"... what do you make of highwayman's gesture in this line?
 — joey

very arrogant of you especially considering the historical lack of influence poets have had on the world.  hopkins, milton, jonson, herbert, donne, all magnificent poets but do you really want to say that they've had the kind of social impact that kant, heidegger, nietzsche, hegel, plato, mill, marx have had?? for better or worse these thinkers have shaped the world that you live in today, like it or not.  i'd be surprised if there is one poet you can say that for.  poets write for poets and english majors, it's a closed circuit.  regardless how earth-shaking their idea may be it won't have the kind of impact that a well reasoned argument will have. if you want to change the world don't be a poet. and if whether this is a poem is what's at issue, you've already stated that that's a personal decision that everyone need make for themself, so how is it relevant? if you want to consider craft or creativity, ok, but simply slapping some arbitrary judgment on it and saying 'its not a poem' doesnt help at all.
 — smcyrone

need to talk about this poem. it's the problem.
 — joey

hmmm, joey concedes... must be due to his flagrant dipshittery and lack of a thinking mind...
 — smcyrone