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BIRD ON A GUITAR
fractalcore

a pilgrimage of ants red,
 1
black, brown, blue, green, yellow, white –
 2
muddy mecca to the right.
 3
 
 
senses hunger for "groovy",
 4
heads, humored highly, befriend
 5
vegan voodoo chile-dish trend.
 6
 
 
undies curl in '69,
 7
topless tops tantric spinning,
 8
going gone in third inning.
 9



written 1/13/08

13 Jan 08

Rated 9 (8.1) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (9): 3, 5, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10

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(204 more poems by this author)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

is vegan your way of saying 'hippy' - and i bet you like the double v there, but perhaps it is unneccesary.
this is well written, nonetheless. Sort of spins about me, nicely controlled and coloured.
 — DeformedLion

i love it, reminds me of stevie nicks' spinning skirts. very nice poem, plus i love the double v.
 — sunshinesgf

Is the last line a cricket reference?

This is about Woodstock right? specifically Hendrix.
 — DeformedLion

lovely. the atmosphere is like that of Woodstock, in the birds and insects world, paralleling that of humans.
:claps: for the image of mecca, chile-dish trend, the temporal 69, and the amazing colorful spinning in the last stanza.
it's brilliant.
 — nisetru

DeformedLion: thanks for reading. yes, vegan for hippie,
veggies, and irony for Hendrix who loved meat (gals) more
than herb. i'm quite fond of baseball and woodstock ended
after three days - in this case, after the third strophe (or inning).
: )

subshinesgf: thanks for liking the poem. stevie nicks is a
fashion icon of sorts and she has great taste. i love the
double v, too.
: )

nisetru: thank you so much. i think the hip word back then
was "groovy", specifically in 1969 when Hendrix played
Voodoo Chile. i meant to give the rather R-18 event a touch
of innocence.

outerspace: hello kitty seems too advanced in the given era
and pink is not mentioned here at all - though it may very well
be one of the psychedelic colors. 'childish' or 'childlike' is the
point driven at, so i'm glad it got through.
thank you for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

you have a lovely color, Uknown...
anc(h)ored so tightly onto the complexity
of Nothingness.

: )
 — fractalcore

i dunno one thing:

*peace of shit*

but that really depends.

PEACE...
: )
 — fractalcore

i do know one thing:

*piece of shit*

but that really depends.

PEACE...
: )
 — fractalcore

janis joplin?
muddy mecca is nifty
also vegan voodoo
and going gone
 — chuckle_s

thank you, chuckle_s.
your infinty bird poem
makes me dizzy and i
like it.
: )
 — fractalcore

of course, evreybody knows
good ol' james marshall hendrix.
and joplin, too.
: )
 — fractalcore

I liked this.

I have a few nits to pick, though. 'topless tops' doesn't work for me. 'inning' seems like a mixed metaphor. 'vegan' is an anachronism. 'Little Wing' is a great song by Hendrix and seems like an opportunity missed here.

Steer clear of the brown acid.
 — xixtas

thank you so much, xixtas.

i agree with you on Little Wing but it's funny he didn't
play it back then. vegan is an irony for his carnality and
was also the way most hippies were in that era (i suppose).
there was no other way for me to describe the women
having the time of their lives in the mud - topless and
pantiless - in such a limited space of 7-syllable lines and
those 3- and 2-time alliterations.

of course, it's all self-imposed and i'm quite happy with the
way it is now, though i really think you'll make a very wondeful
job of rewriting this for gnormal's contest.

: )
 — fractalcore

and woodstock, for me, is a 3-inning baseball game;
any extension will be way too much to handle.

i shall stay away from booze 'cause it boosts my acidity.
: )
 — fractalcore

captured all the motifs of that musical legend -- had me remembering back then --
 — AlchemiA

I always knew you were a hip dude who scattered flowers through undergarments and scrubbed your doo dahs with essence of juniper berries.

Larry like you are the main man, man Lark
 — larrylark

you're the man, mr larrylark.
: )
 — fractalcore

thank for reading, AlchemiA.
: )
 — fractalcore

just wanted to mention that line 7
put me in mind of highland musical sex
 — chuckle_s

something like an Acropolis
outdoor sex maybe? with the
police and the mob and kids
watching?

sorry, my imagination is
a terrible thing.
: )
 — fractalcore

While some might be a fan of this, I am not one of them. I don't want to be a part of this poem's fanclub. Don't send me newsletters, call me, or expect me to come to any of the meetings--'cause I won't go! 6/10
 — Poe

it's a free world, Poe.
thanks for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

you know what I like about this most?...the image of all those people as a colony of ants, I imagine it looked very much like that from the air. ..they behaved somewhat like ants in the way they cooperated and moved as one cohesive unit..

and who could ever forget the icon of the bird perched on the guitar..
 — Luna

thank you very much, Luna.
: )
 — fractalcore

Now this is inspiring and evoking of visions. Good work here!
 — grneyeddevil

thanks, grneyeddevil.

how does this compare to
I [let my right] SUCK DRY?

: )
 — fractalcore

Well first off, obviously, in Suck Dry you used improper punctuation and words as a device to make it a bit different. Off the wall. To me all it does is make it hard to read and understand. In this one, there is great meter, a rhyming scheme, and similes.
 — grneyeddevil

good observations but i was just being
technical with this piece while in the other
i was seing more than just one poem and
they kept on popping and piling up so it
should be read on all those levels.

thank you for taking the time.
: )
 — fractalcore

what a delightful poem!
 — unknown

Lovely Poem!

~Daisy Jones
 — unknown

That's cool. In the version written to Daisy Jones it is much more clever. Particularly because of using the right words. Poetic license, eh?
 — grneyeddevil

grneyeddevil:
sorry but i cannot revert to the original
as i've seen the many facets of that
puker for [a] poem[s]. i'll receprocate
your kind gesture when i'm not too
sleep-ridden.

your latest piece seems
very promising but i'll give it the utmost
attention it deserves when i'm able to.


Daisy Jones:
thanks, you're very kind.


uknown:
your kindness overwhelms as well.

: )
 — fractalcore

reciprocate, that is.
i'm suck a bud spellar.
: )
 — fractalcore

HAHAHAHA! Night, night.
 — grneyeddevil

yeah, maybe.

butt nut yet.
: )
 — fractalcore

just revisiting.

it seems it is its anniversary today.
: )
 — fractalcore

YESS!!! nice shcolor scheme
 — OKcomputer

thanksh shooo much, OK.
: )
 — fractalcore

yes, you changed
but you became
un-readable.

not sorry.
 — unknown

not sorry?
what do you mean?

and unreadable, too?
enlighten me.
: )
 — fractalcore

^ that was me
 — sir_I_clan

i had a hunch
it was you,
yes.

i can't help
being myself,
can i?

or maybe you
can help me
change

in 67 years.
; )
 — fractalcore

bump.
 — unknown

I like you like this.

I grew up here
http://en.w ikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_City_(club)

You are funny-ish
 — Quen

mine was the bump.
 — Quen

i got a thing for bumps.
thanks.

and, ooh, it's nice to know
Nirvana played there once.

; )
 — fractalcore

Sticky floors
it was a den
I made a camp
whilst working
9-5

(sing it)
 — Quen

is that
a song
with a
7/7
beat?

sorry, i kurntlee
can't sing no note
'cept to note that
there's 7 syllables
in every 1 of those
9 lives, er lines.

catpee in the
guitarsehole,
hehe.

; )
 — fractalcore

Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin, stretchin, try to come to life
Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5
Chorus:

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that i
Would deserve a fair promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss wont seem to let me in
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me
Mmmmm...

They let your dream
Just a watch em shatter
Youre just a step
On the boss mans a ladder
But you got dream hell never take away

On the same boat
With a lot of your friends
Waitin for the day
Your shipll come in
And the tides gonna turn
An it's all gonna roll you away

2nd chorus:

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And you never get the credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
There's a better life
And you think that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Puttin money in his wollet

3rd chorus:

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use you mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

Fade:

9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
There's a better life
And you dream that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Puttin money in his wollet
 — Quen

this is you and i love you
bufffttmmmpphhh
 — unknown

hi, Quen.

your post just reminded me of a song entitled
somewhat like '25 or 6 to 4'. i'm gonna hunt it down now.

; )
 — fractalcore

oh, hello.

yeah, dis ease mee crappy self, hehe,
and i've somehow learned to love it,

thanks to poetry-writing
and you, unk.

; )
 — fractalcore

Ha ha ha , you crack me up
you comet hore
 — unknown

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