I told her I saw beauty
in lesbian porn,
that I softened
at the way women touch.
I showed her
my photo; she said
I looked good in dyke clothes-
that I put ice cream in her face
without a spoon.
She writes me,
not only when she's
lonely; sometimes her heart
breaks the chill
in her apartment,
other times her thoughts
are just swollen
and asks if I need a hand
to sleep. She doesn't call
often, but I might've had
phone sex with her
if she remembered
I loved men. Still,
I want to play
badminton with her
on a hot summer day,
and squirt water on
her breasts; turn pink
and kiss her, missing
28 Jan 08
Rated 9.4 (8.2) by 11 users.
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I only wish there were more of this to read. Flavourful fusion of tenderness, erotica and playfulness.
Hi bandito, thanks for the very nice comments.
I have been wanting to change my tune a little,
wanting to break away from my typical emotional hauntings =-)
this would be very impressive as a slow song in a review about natalie clifford barney and parisian life in the twenties. it's got an easy edge to it, a sultry tease; and, given the right costume and lighting, lots of sex appeal. as a poem, per se, here, well... here, P.C., is pretty arty and frou-frou, with all those turgid love and hate poems pouring in daily... salon poetry, protected and happy because the audience is pretty much protected and breathing too. mostly. give this out in the world -- where ever that is... natalie barnes and noble? -- and it has to take its chances as "that's a good poem", and, yes, maybe as a song would protect it from the cold.
oh i see "missing the "...cock"....ha.
Anyway, I find this to be quite excellent, yeah nice writing. Sort of stuff that makes me want to disconnect and go and be quite and think of things to write.
I am actually really bad at badminton...I use to be ok but then for some reason my whole body rejected the idea of me playing it. Its a stupid game anyway...
ok well, sorry for that.
I did a google search on Natalie and found her quite amazing. I had never heard of a literary salon before. Thank you for the comments and the reference.
Hello DL, thanks for reading. I laughed at your comments, the last one was very enjoyable. I agree, it is a stupid game, and I am bad at it too, but it can be fun if you're wearing the right attire. =-)
Thanks for the nice comments on the poem.
You've captured me with the lyrical sensuality in a kindly warm glance which lingers with the promise of romance and a whimsical comedy. Imagery speaks clearly with the minimal use words -- this almost sings to me!
new title makes me want to hit you in the head.
(just making sure).
this is cute. i like the idea, it reminds me of something ani difranco might conjure up.
by the way, thank you for the lovely comment on my blog.
a bit of lesbianism and this is recent best
omg jen. umm...
a rush, a blush, a hush
this takes me back
Absolutely great. So erotic and visually stunning in my head.
Larry things we thought today Lark
Hmm, very interesting. If you put the word "but' in front of missing, line 36...Jen, I peeked ahead to see who wrote this. I thought it was another Canadian poet who writes this same haunting, restless kind of way. You probably know who!
like this but the title is so childish.
missing the shuttlecock would be so much better
PS Larry is so right. I love the erotic twist.
Jen...this is pretty. It's feminine and it wears quite the different flavour from what I'm used to from you. Interesting. I'd put on a mini-skirt and play badminton with you, but I'd make one scary woman! One thing that leaves me feeling confused is in L's 11-13...the part about putting "ice cream in her face w/o a spoon..." What does that mean exactly and what are you trying to say with that? I don't get it. I wouldn't wear flannel shirts either. You're too pretty for those!
Also, Jen...ice cream is two-words, if I'm not mistaken.
that's kind of stereotyping, isn't it starr?
not all dykes wear flannel shirts
and it wasn't a flannel shirt anyway.
rask, thank you. I will have to look up ani defranco.
AlchemiA: glad you found the lighthearted side of this, thanks.
unknown: yeah, weird eh.
owl: thank you. I'd be interested to hear what it takes you back to.
Larry: you fantasy-man you, lol.
Isabelle: I want this to only touch on the idea of missing the you-know-what, so missing my serve, or hit, or whatever they call it in badminton, is what I want to convey first and foremost. thanks for the suggestion though, I appreciate your thoughts!
violet: yes, I agree with you. I should have put the little note in about the title earlier; I've been stuck with the title. thanks for the help.
thanks you guys
Hi Starr...yeah, this might throw some people off a bit, which is good.
The ice cream reference (and I figured some might not get it, but that's ok), is calling someone a tease. Bowl of ice cream; no spoon. lol.
I wasn't sure of the spelling, I should go check to be sure. Thanks for your comments and inquiries. =-)
I wasn't stereotyping at all, unknown. Merely my experience. I was practically raised by a lesbian (my mother's sister) and her lover and was surrounded by transvestites and "dykes," as you call them throughout my entire childhood. My mother is the only heterosexual child of six siblings. I, myself, would much rather use the word "lesbian." When I think of the word "dyke," I think automatically of flannel shirts and bad man-haircuts. I've also been surrounded by many makeup-wearing, dress wearing, drop dead gorgeous, feminine lesbians as well. Jen, forgive me, please for using your creative space for my response to the unknown's above comment. I don't judge. When you're Gay, you're judged enough. It doesn't feel good. And my remark to Jen was intended to be comical between poetry friends anyway. Chill.
Thanks, Jen, for the breakdown on this. Now I understand the ice cream part. :-)
"Soft Serve." It can pertain to ice cream AND to badminton (poetically) when you serve the birdie. :-)
hahaha, Starr...yeah, I'd never wear flannel, lol.
I'd play badminton with you if you wore a mini-skirt, hehe.
Touch on it! Irony, Jen!!! Hahaha!
Unknown...LOL! I'm glad u know I didn't mean any harm by my remark. I'm a brotha, don'tcha know!
I hereby dare starr to get kitted up in a badminton outfit, complete with mini-skirt, take a pic. and use it as his profile pic.
Deformed Lion...LOL! Darers go first, buddy-boy. (Wink.)
Nice poem jen
Actually it takes me back to a rush, a blush and a hush.
A delicate blond with legs that didn't end...umm...
She used to visit me...
I wasn't supposed to tell...
So that's all I'm saying...
but I'm still smiling. ;)
Starr, that is brilliant~ I love it.
thank you! you're so sweet.
Hi fract, thanks for reading.
owl, thanks for the little addition, it made me smile.
i mean that in a deeply meaningful way
I've read this several times and though I try, I still love men too much to be able to relate the way this poem needs me to. But you wrote it so well!
Jen! You used my title! I LOVE IT!!! I love this poem too!
You're welcome! :-)
soft serve is just too soft , it does not fit with the erotic tone of this poem , i suggested Butterfingers=someone who drops things,especially one who cannot catch a ball / (cock)
Think of the taste of butter when it runs down your fingers (toast) , you lick them , its like you have never tasted it before.
fingers - use your imagination
need bed , night. ;)
i liked the original title, because it did just show the nature of the personality as an image, and the image of the badminton game, and how it is "like" the personality.
depends on who the title was in reference to - the author or the protagonist?
it's not a story, so the poem's title can reference the ideal.
was the original title
or something else? i'd like to weigh in on this
qualifying statement: i'm kinda big on titles. the way i write demands that the title helps what comes after it, and also i feel that the title can sometimes be a little mini-"poem" all on its own. not always, surely, but sometimes.
Soft Serve -- seems comical. seems "clever". seems contrived out of a winkwink nudgenudge. obviously many care for this poem. i don't think it's a winkwink i'm a wordplay specialist poem. this title is not at all inappropriate, and of course this poem is yours to do with as it pleases you.
butterfly girl -- the image of a butterfly is so whimsical. the girl, so innocent. the butterfly in summer, in nature. the girl not grown, not completely mature at all. the butterfly flitting, flying, as a shuttlecock, over a net. so soft. so sexy. i'd be interested to ask a body artist the frequency of butterfly tattoos applied to females.
this poem kicks some serious ass.
i love it and you.
l25-29 don't make a lot of sense. you might have had, but don't remember? you might have if she would remember you still love men?
I liked the Butterfly Girl title because it evoked the feminine allure of Butterfly Wings (labia) and kisses which the Poem Lovingly conveys in a sultry way. I concur with chuckle_s analysis readily. The soft humour and the soft caring qualities make this Poem so feminine that it sings and sparkles of smiling! It's Beauty!
She doesn't call 25
often, but I might have 26
had phone sex with her 27
if she remembered 28
I loved men. <<<<<<<<<
Love this poem! It's fearless and beautiful.
I felt the poem to be larger than the space it keeps.
It continued to expand as I read on.
I quoted the strophe above because I feel like
it's a bit clumbsy or maybe it is just the way
I read it.
I don't think there is a need for the "but" there
and the phrasing about maybe having sex with
her if she remembered the poet loved men
seems a bit confusing. I got what was intended
but just feel it could be reworded in a better
way. That said, the poem left a very valid
impression on me and it was certainly a worthy
sorry, the dyke broke on this poem and drown the readers.
drowned, DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'M SUCH A SHUTTLECOKBRAIN
I disagree about the original title, "Butterfly Girl." I find it cliched and generic. "Soft Serve," on the other hand, lends strong, underlying description to the femininity, the ice cream and to the badminton all at once. My opinion, of course.
much prefer Soft Serve and its layers of meaning
Amazing...I am overly impressed. Poe would be so pleased with you! I don't like the word "dyke" in there when you refer to "dyke" clothes...because really, what are dyke clothes? They don't have a section in the store really for that...they could call it the Mens section I guess. Great poem though...10/10!
The layers, indeed, Poetbill. That's what it's all about...layers. Rock on, brotha. And Jen, this poem is one of your very best. Your writing continues to flourish on a great many different levels and features some pretty awesome flava as of late. I'm proud of you. Keep on.
Hey, this disappeared from the Top List! What happened?
that title also works nicely
Jen it is the beauty of the Poem that shines forth -- a reflection of your Heart -- both titles are engaging and reflective -- the poem would stand as untitled as well! I see it both ways as Soft Serve it is much more fun and as Butterfly Girl more charming --
goodness people, i am overwhelmed.
thank you for so much feedback, i never expected this.
i will respond properly when i have a bit more time.
Right on, Jen. Either way, it's beautiful; YOU'RE beautiful. Take care, take time, take heart. Love, Starr
well, I can't catch up to all of you,
but I am very appreciative of all your generous comments.
thank you for the suggestions too, as I am always open for crits,
but for once,
I don't think I will be making any of the changes.
This is the first poem that hasn't caused me any confusion about how it sounds or feels to me. (except the title, where i was just fighting my instincts).
I have to say I'm with starr on the Soft Serve title but this poem would be just as powerful and beautiful if you named it Lego Love so it doesn't matter too much. Awesomeness abound, Jen.
Still very much liking this. You should let it go free and fly...I prefer this title.
you are hilarious, owl...lego love, ha.
what do you mean let it go free and fly?
glad you prefer this title.
L37...missing the "cock" coon??? Food for thought. (You know who. Wink.)
i like this poem is really gudd
a lil 2 ......... ummm idk
bt watever it was really
gudd this was ma 2dys favorite lol
yea try 2 check out some of ma poems 2
^ omg , I am quite sure this is some sort of joke but just in case , please get yourself to the clinic for sterilization.
Wow. I like it a lot, it's very good.
thank you =-)
I agree. I mean, I see where it ends and that works, but it's an expression that you want to be a story. maybe a sort of epic poem... delightful and bubbly.
I love badminton
sorry, I reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllllllly like badminton.
but on the flipside, i reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaallllllllllll-ealllllllllllllly don't like it.
This is bloody fantastic. Something in the way it flows, the voice adn tone erotic and soft, make me feel sung to. great job.
This is nice, and i do like lines 1 to 13 - well written - but for me it turns into a porny cartoon towards the end and spoils the sentiments earlier on ... high definition imagery for sure, and well drawn and erotic, but the colours are all inside the lines, for me anyway :)
a good read!
woah why the hell is this back up there?
ha, well, it's kind of funny reading this again actually.
thanks for reading/re-reading, everybody.
Ha. I love it.
Don't know how I missed this jen! I have to say the title drew me to the poem, Which, in my opinion, could stand on its own without a title because it's written so well. You are just so damn good with images. nice work.
I love it.. Totaly not what I expected from the title. But Beautiful none the less. Reminds me of the summer and that stolen kiss =) It's the best thing Ive read in a long time. xxx
finally a nice lesbian poem i can send home to mom
ha, thanks aurelius,
hi paul, thank you for the nice words,
thanks awesome rockchick, may rockchicks unite
and humblebee, it's all about the bzzz. =-)
Mmm, very nice. It really captures that almost indescribable feeling. But you managed to do it.
jeez, how did i miss this one.
its beautiful. the ideas. the thoughts. the word choice all gelling so well.
i love the second stanza.
yes. i like this a lot.
still lovely ;)
hehe, thanks troch!
i can't believe you missed this one either,
seeing how it's right up yo alley, lol.
jus kiddn' =-)
over a year since you posted this. seems like only last week;)
"over a year since you posted this. seems like only last week;)
I'm not a lesbian or a pedo, why are you imitating me, stalking me and writing filth about me?
sam, it's been over two years now. how did i think of such summery things in the dead of winter? another winter gone, and a summer in the future but still no badminton.
i told her i saw beauty
in gay porn,
that i &nbs p; [what?]
softened for sure. [!but wasn't hard in the first place anyway!]
on bikes, hairblower dykes-
cheeks blossom red,
but i really wanted to say:
i would like a spanking!
a lot of cock talk around the water cooler these days...Hmmm... you must have been excited when you were able to work in the badminton-shuttlecock connection... well done... gooey goodness!
haha! linus you're sure going to get one with that little play-poem. it was great, especially the 'i softened for sure' part, hehe still laughing!
nighthawk, there's also a lot of gobbling going too.
thank you for reading, i'm always excited.
Elly will love this, Hi elly, hope you are well.
Miss you X
thank you especially for reading this poem again. thanks everyone for bouncing my butterfly.
and Callisto, is hmm an accurate response? or do you mean, "the lesbian part kind of throws me because i am not gay but it's hot and makes me think about it". yeah i'm not gay either, i just enjoy the merge in poetry.
thank you =-)
-A Better Lesbo Pornem-
Sorry Jenks. Meant to give you kudos on another poem
Oh, I've 'been there, done this'! Some women have a universal sexuality that speaks both languages. Love the playful and innocent sexuality.
thanks sybarella, you now after all these years, i made an edit.
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Happy Birthday Sam <3
Content not skill
Such homophobic/sexual phobic remarks, polly- fort.
There is beauty in life and in all people and we are sexual beings and I embrace it. This opening of self allows me such freedom in my writing as well as in my life. The content IS the skill, I can still see that ice cream melting in the sun. ;)
Thanks for explaining what I didn't see (poetic freedom)
Homophobic made me laugh. Hard.
Sexphobic as well?
You should write a book called "thoughts for the new millennium by guru Joffer" (otherwise known as confuscious)
Seriously, what are you knocking on about?
The poem lacks a depth of integrity because its like a "lesbo" poem written for men--
A sixteen year old girl pashing off her best friend to give her boyfriend a boner
(yes, yes we've all been there...we kissed a girl and we liked it - that kind of thing)
Instead of trying to tell me why my comments are wrong, you need to look deeper into what i am saying --
without assuming i don't like you. whether i do or not is irrelevant.
someone is jealous perhaps because her writing is a sloppy swamp of roo tails and maudlin moans
Ha Ha Ha, Mor Crusader
-- I am not going to get into a slanging match with you on this poor woman's poem.
I am NOT jealous of her, she just doesn't take critique well.
Leave it, okay.
I take critique most graciously, polly, what in my comment suggests I don't?
besides, yuck, gross, is hardly a critique. lol.
gorgeous pome jen!
makes me all warm and fuzzy to see this reborn again, thanks all for the comments.
I like the subject. But the poetry, is it really poetry, or prose?