poetry critical

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simmered to reduction

your presence my sustenance
your absence context

7 Feb 08

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (1): 8, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(465 more poems by this author)

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this poem solely is good because of the title. The title warns you it will be a small poem. Is this even considered a poem? It's a lovely thought and I do like reading it [especially since it takes 5 seconds to do so]. I'm really not sure how I feel about this. I just know in two lines you've conveyed an idea, but not enough for me.
 — Porcelain_Lo

humm, it's saying that when with that-one, special, the author's complete, and without that someone, the world is just a frame waiting for a picture ( as though the context demands a content ).

surely, this satisfies something of the idea of "minimalist" and in a nice way.
 — joey

joey, was hoping that it said: 'with that someone-complete, without that someone-complete also, in a different way'. that that someone provides completeness while away. context.
 — hank

wish i could take that last 'comment' away. hate to explain. never does a poem good.
 — hank

ah, i didn't get that totally, though that occurred to me and i'd thought i was mistaken -- the brief form, and the white spaces are a punctuation.

sustenance and context aren't a rhetorical pair until they appear like this, in a poem, and the opposite of "sustenance" is "hungry", really. when a pair gets set like this, so minimally, it's going to look aphoristic. maybe, "your presence and absence, my sustenance and context", with enough "poetic ambiguity" to make it work, though i don't think anyone would read it as more than a mint on a pillow that way.
 — joey

mr. hank could you please explain your last statement? this is very intriguing.
 — unknown

the "context" part doesn't fly, otherwise a very good little poem
 — poetbill

when a poet, or a person (like me), adds muddling words to other words things always get more muddled.
you shouldn't inhale a smoke ring.
destroys the ring.
shouldn't explain a thought.
 — hank

here you have presented a minimalists in minimal shiny crystal reflecting many wonders, well a few any who, in me the reader. I did get the idea you were looking for of two completes make you a whole with or without the significant other -- the title certainly grabbed me as the calcinater decanting process of Alchemy uses these allusions -- perhaps this can even be further reducted until your light shines through --

presence is sustenance
within is not without

just playing -- I liked the play here --
 — AlchemiA

the poem is the thought we read, not the thought in the poem, since that's in your head. making us feel what you're feeling is an art and not a confession. telling us isn't going to make us, and making us in a poem is to create you in our head so that we're they're too.
 — joey

ok. good. relieved to hear that. though i suspect you speak for a small minority when you say 'we'.
 — hank

and Alchemist, insightful. thanks.
 — hank

I didn't read an empty frame in the second line. I read a framework. Very nicely expressed.

Whoever this is for, give to him or her on valentine's day and you're pretty much guaranteed to get laid. I'm thinking about stealing it just so I can get an enthusiastic blow job.
 — xixtas

nice poem, hank.

would you imagine what would happen if you left out your and my from line 1?
 — unknown

Nicely reduces pared to essentials, invites thought

Larry empty headed Lark
 — larrylark

it seems much better after hearing the explanation...but maybe that should all be obvious anyway, or maybe not...  I still question if it is just a little too vague. Gave it an 8
 — poetbill

should i post the rest ?
 — hank

 — unknown

ok , thanks mike.
 — unknown

i never post as "unknown".
 — joey

then you should post as mike
 — unknown

i think you're confusing me with someone you want to impress.
 — joey

impesss who ?
 — unknown

the person you wanted to sound smart to.
 — joey