| please, stay out of my dreams, I should be slaying dragons
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intocosmos
| and conquering the | 1 |
stagnating civilizations | 2 |
of Mesoamerica with a | 3 |
dark obsidian sword. my | 4 |
armor should be | 5 |
stronger than the | 6 |
barbarous hordes | 7 |
who threaten Rome | 8 |
and live to face | 9 |
another blow at | 10 |
Julius' side. but | 11 |
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instead, there is only | 12 |
an orchid wilting | 13 |
in moist soil, your | 14 |
fallen eyelash | 15 |
clinging to my | 16 |
fingertip, and | 17 |
wishes eroding | 18 |
like the blood | 19 |
clays of Zion. | 20 |
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18 Feb 08 |
Rated 8.8 (8.5) by 14 users.
Active (14): 1, 4, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(5 more poems by this author)
(17 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
I really enjoyed reading this poem, the blend between modern america and medieval and ancient refrences was executed very well. thank you for this piece.
— mshill
nice poem.
consider clays in previous line.
— unknown
Wow! I love this. Excellent title: it cleverly makes the poem personal enough so that I care about the rest of it. I can't really fault this except to question your non-use of capitals? In line 4 and again in line 11. You could turn the full stop into a comma or a semi-colon in line 11, eliminating the need for a capital.
Apart from that, this is very lovely and original.
smugzy
— unknown
keep the title and do a new poem...
— poetbill
mmmmmm this poem leaves a taste of honey in my mouth as I say it out loud with an aftertaste of disdain and jealousy. very nice I give 9
— turtlepoet
interesting. I really like the idea and actually, the poem too.
— fireballems
AGH!!! I want this in book form, please! What a fabulous title. The poem simply moves the reader along, as if this could not be written any other way.
— Isabelle5
Great poem--fabulous title.
— PaulS
I, too, am diggin' this poem. I'd insert a comma rather than a period after Julius' side to precede the preposition. Good stuff! Hope to see more! :-)
— starr
Flawless title Flawless poem
— themolly
Wow, wow! You changed it! It's so strong and fierce, so much better!
— Isabelle5
this rules. hands down. not pretentious in the slightest.
— IamDave
this is a really nice pieces i have to agree with mshill this ran really well and the references between the two eras really spoke and made for a great poem
good work
— DLBanksAWM12
like this edited version
— poetbill
hmm
sounds nice and all but dark obsidian seemed a little too cartoony and i thought as soon as i read fallen eyelash hey here comes something really good but to my chagrin you had to go and state the obvious thereby somewhat
— chuckle_s
nice words
— chuckle_s
Nothing to say. Fucking amazing.
— Aziel
what am i: seventeen, again?
— unknown
This is great. I love the split between visuals. Its sudden and jarring.
— grneyeddevil
Fantastic. Do you mean "barbaric" in l7, though?
— wendz
And I forgot to say - the second stanza is killer.
— wendz
nice poem
— marco
.................
— unknown
wow, incredible imagery and its just melts down the page. i'm very happy i read this. wow.
— bear
i enjoyed this very, very much.
— overdose
Very interesting is how this poem has only ever received '1' ratings while on the Top Rated list...
— intocosmos
Interesting that it got a 1? Jealously is where 1's come from, plain and simple.
— unknown
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