poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Hot Air, Winter Sky.

High above the beach
the air balloon moves
side to side, tethered
to a weather worn pole
that occupies a hole
dug in the sand.
Its air is light,
separated by one
thin skin from
the ozone that
swirls along the sand,
whirling grains
into ever changing
For one moment
sand, ozone
and thought of it
briefly combine,
before the mind
moves on.

22 Feb 08

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
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Cool images - bright, breezy and colourful. This is a good thing to be able to write light and airy without it dispersing into insignificant and indistinct bits of nothing. You've tethered this just right.
 — nakedowl

Dear nakedowl

Thank you for this crit. My problem is that i am all bits of nothing trying to make myself sound substantial

Larry ethereal Lark

PS I do hope your feathers grow back soon
 — larrylark

i struggle to love anything
 — raskolniikov