|Fend Her Hair
spoiled brat dyed,
well-taken care of,
of course –
feel the bottom first…
and there’s the sixth top;
now grip the slender neck
to rouse the giraffe
from her spotless sleep,
with strong stiffened
just what I need
on my scalpy flop,
unwound as it should be,
neither coiled nor taut.
[I’d like some sleep, too,
believe it or naught]
but wait –
[BeMineOr – Easy,Ven(ice)]:
a kiss – in a million ways's I please,
gladly cloned where I want –
back of your neck,
your chin upfront
my low’r Egypt collides
with its high’r female count’part,
annihilatin’ River Nile late in
the conflict aft’wards…
conflict then resolves
river then becomes
in the depths,
heated sounds resonate with
written a few hours ago
25 Feb 08
Rated 9 (8.7) by 1 users.
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:)amusing, brilliantly written, i like it.. a love poem
thanks very much, nisetru, but
i'm not quite satisfied with it yet.
needs some more tweaking, i think.
welp, still struggling...will be back
for any further adjustments.
thanks again for reading, nisetru.
after the first couple of lines, it made me laugh out loud.. Nicely written.
wow, gabriella finally has something nice to say...astounding!
yeah, well, people do say nice things about good writing. Weird huh?
L26 is just way too much of a distraction for me, and I had to stop and sort of read it a few times, scratch my head, then shrug my shoulders and move on. Its a pretty lame line anyway.
But I like this poem, fun images balanced out with nice word use- in that it sounds cool, well, like with L32 onwards you shifted gears. Made for good reading.
Gabriella, glad this tickled you in some
ways i'll never know. If you you could
tell me exactly how then i'll be tickled, too.
Thanks for liking it and for taking the time.
unknown, nice dialogue there with Gab.
also thank you for stopping by.
DeformedLion, glad you enjoyed this one.
just playing some chords there in |26.
now there's your clue. Lame should be
rethunk and thank you for reading.
ok. Bm, but I don't get the next bit.
|26: Bm-E7 is
|27: an act ...
i think you now see the
guitar very clearly.
but which act?
Well 4-6 kind of hold a significance with me. Colours!=p And L45-48 remind me of a band that would most likely produce this. Foxy Shazam. You should look them up, perhaps then you'll see what I mean.
wow, they're amazing, Gab...
could very well stand (or roll
on the floor) amongst Nirvana,
The Vines, or even Jimi Hendrix.
superb. especially lines 32 to 35.
I told you!
Buddhist? Are you asking me if I am because I am...and that's strange..hah
I don't really get the title. I though fend might fight something off. I am off-put by the abbreviations and the 'slick' feel of this. I would like very much to hear the poet read this. That can make a piece come to life.
What am I missing?
the title, I believe, is in reference to a Fender guitar (such a beautiful thing), and 'hair' are the guitar strings. perhaps.
i love the end--ing
the last half the poem really speeds up,
lots of sparks.
how are you?
hi, rask. you got a very nice blackhole love
poem and it's good to hear from you again.
||32-35 are some of my personal faves, too.
what do you make of them?
unknown, thank you for reading. no, i'm just
describing my Fender Squier Stratocaster Bullet
Series in those particular lines and no human
being's demeaned in the making of this poem.
Gab, I like them Foxy Shazam guys. I had been
an old Kurt Cobain fan before I looked him up
and knew he was Buddhist. having a strong
inclination towards such a spiritual science myself,
my admiration of him grew. I've recently joined
Ananda Marga but still regard myself a Buddhist
Isabelle5, thank you for reading. the title is about
my girl's beautiful dyed hair, my thinning hair, and
my red Fender guitar. what do you make of the
last 2 lines?
Nice job, DeformedLion, and thank you. Now I've
rendered this piece so boring to read. I've run out
of grout to chew, that's why.
hi, jen. very nice to hear from you, too. i'm doing
really fine. hope all's well with you and Damian.
thanks for dropping by.
but i think i'll stick with norman ;)
hi, chuckle_s. thanks for reading.
did you mean larry norman? he
rocks my world as well. my PC
poet friend who's very fond of him
introduced me to his blues. yeah,
both of them are amazing.
norman as opposed to fender
i bought a norman classical acoustic in '91 played the crap out of it for 8 years it was all dirty stained dead skin oil goo on the fretboard soundhole halfbusted from the damn toddlers then i bought a nice yamaha not cheap but definitely far from top of the line brand new that thing sounded like crap compared to old faithful i still have it
good for you, chuck. i've had like 5 different acoustic guitars
so far but non of them ever hitting the guitar magazines nor
the music store racks either. they were some cheap imitations
which served me good all these years. i'm still learning the trade
though and would be very much delighted to own at least a
Yamaha just like yours sometime.
So I guess your guitar gives you the satisfaction that not even your girl can/has...whatever. If my man's a musician, I would rather be his instrument.
Greatly written anyway.
thank you so much, happymole.
fact is, this is about my girl who has that
long, lovely, dyed hair. couldn't just leave
out my own hair, my sleeplessness, and my
Fender in all that romance. actually played
a riff for that kiss that lasted forever.
why the sad face, happymole?
ever heard of the word cynical?
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? 10
happymole, that's more sad than cynical...
but hopefully just a phase.
please cheer up, ok?
thank you so much, OKcomputer.
i'd be a trillion dollar richer if i knew
the answer to that.
and i'd be able to buy me a digital cam.
i'm still mad about your
abduction of OKcomputer.
want some marshallow blitzkrieg?
Me likes 11-14 da best!
Tis all good though.
doki doki artichoki.
rubber doki doki
whoops a Daisy
see under: SeeNile . . .. this is lovely . . .very.
well this was different.
your comment just reminded me
of a surrealist photo of daisies.
thanks for stopping
are you telling me to see under the hood
if the engine is growing senile? hehe.
there is always beauty in old age, yes.
well, what's different and new will
ultimately become old and boring,
but this, for me, will never grow old.
love never goes old, yes?
hey, the highs and lows of a musician. can you write a song, please?